ANGELS AND DEMONS

I think my kids are trying to remind me that they're not little angels... in fact, they're little holy terrors! SERIOUSLY! Some days i come home ABSOLUTELY sure that i NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to have children! Yesterday and today are good examples!

Yesterday they were running around like maniacs and just DYING to start a fight. I stopped one strangulation, and next thing is a bunch of bigger boys looking to beat one little "shit stirrer". Then i'm suddenly dealing with half the community!
Or today, when one little kid freaked out when he wasn't allowed to destroy somebody else's artwork... he was crying, then screaming and yelling. Eventually we told him that he had to go home and he started screaming "i don't want to go home" over and over and hanging onto the door frame. We finally put his shoes on for him and deposited him on our doorstop where he continued to stand and scream. UGGG> its so hard to deal with a kid being that upset, but there's no other way to calm him down. I don't think i can explain to you quite how emotionally painful it is.
Otherdays (like tonight) one little kid is just so desparate to have me stay that he won't get off my lap, even though he normally won't stand to be touched. He's the toughest little 6 year old i've ever seen, who just really wants to be loved. He spent about an hour and a bit working on paper mache with me. What 6 year old boy do you know that will do that? i dunno. and he just really wanted to be hugged before home time. I stayed an entire hour after work with him, just because he seemed to really need it.

I love them. I really do. i can't imagine not being part of their lives, and not having them as part of mine. But somedays i'm pretty sure that i have no need for any sort of contraception. (not that that's a problem, fear not!)The desire for sex is pretty strongly out-weighed by the fear of producing kids!!! Motherhood seems like the scariest thing that any person can possibly take on. Especially alone. i can't tell you how high my regard for single mothers is. what a huge job.
And i get to try and "mould these young lives" (somehow ???) by teaching them for the rest of forever.... huh. career change anybody !?!? Kidding, but that's a huge responsibility in itself. I hope i'm up to it.

anyway - its been a long day, so i should pack it in.

Carie