MAD SCIENTISTS AND FULL MOONS

Today was a fun day. I did my music teaching lesson this morning - yes i choked out "London Bridge" all by myself - and it went pretty well, if i say so myself. Then we played pattycake songs (you know- the ones where you clap hands with somebody else... AH... my childhood lives again.)
My lab was cancelled for the day, so i picked up some resources to take a look at for my annotated Bib. and then headed out to McNab to set up our "dissection". I have to admit, i was a little bit worried... in comparison to the Haunted house, i thought our thing was going to be WEAK, but we got some pretty decent screams out of it, so I'm pretty happy. (the good ol' head popping out from under a box trick worked its magic once again!)Haha.

All weekend I've been helping out at the Haunted House. I can't say enough about that place. One of the (single) mom's decided that she'd set up her WHOLE house - living room, bedrooms, bathrooms, dining room, kitchen, EVERYTHING as a haunted house, and she advertised in the newspapers and radio. She put up all these FANTASTIC decorations, and got the community center kids to carve pumpkins. Then each day (Fri - Mon) she had kids come help out being vampires, murderers, victims, etc, etc, etc. WOW! it was truly amazing. I have such huge respect for a woman who can pull a whole community together that way. I've never seen anything like it in McNab before. Unfortunately there wasn't the greatest turn out, especially tonight with the darn rain, but the kids were involved with something SO great, I'm proud of them, and i think they must be proud of themselves.

ANYWAY, i should get to the homework I've been neglecting all weekend.
BUT HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Carie

don't be afraid

More random quotes from Blue like Jazz

I know these are a little scattered, and definitely random - just things that struck me as i read it...
I've finished it now.. REALLY interesting read. I'm looking forward to reading more of his stuff.


"Andrew would say that dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something, Andrew would say, is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for wheat we believe, Andrew would say. If Andrew the Protester is right, if i live what i believe, that i don't believe very many noble things. My life testifies that the first thing i believe is that i am the most important person in the world." (111)

"If loving other people is a bit of heaven, then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live." (173)

"Living in community made me realize one of my faults: i was addicted to myself. All i thought about was myself. The only thing i really cared about was myself. I had very little concept of love, altruism, or sacrifice. I discovered that my mind is like a radion that pics up only one station, the one that plays me" (181)

"If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus." (185)

"At the end of the day, when i am lying in bed and i know the chances of any of our theology being exactly right are a million to one, i need to know that God has things figured out, that if my math is wrong we are still going to be ok. And wonder is that feeling we get when we let go of our silly answers, our mapped out rules that we want God to follow. I don't think there is any better worship than wonder." (206)

"And that's when it hit me like so much epiphany getting dislodged from my arteries. The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity." (218)

Blue like Jazz

I have started reading a book called BLUE LIKE JAZZ by Donald Miller... which I've really enjoyed so far. There are some fantastic quotes which really spoke to me as i read them, so i highlighted them, and I'll prob be putting them up here as i find them.

"I can't explain how freeing that was, to realize that if i met Jesus, He would like me. I never felt like that about some of the Christians on the radio. I always thought if i met those people they would yell at me. But it wasn't like that with Jesus. There were people he loved and people he got really mad at, and i kept identifying with the people he loved, which was really good, because they were all the broken people, you know, the kind of people who are tired of life and want to be done with it, or they are desperate people, people who were outcasts or pagans. There were others, regular people but he didn't play favourites at all, which is miraculous in itself. That fact alone may have been the most supernatural thing he did. He didn't show partiality, which every human does." (pg 47)

This is part of Ch 9, and although its really long, it really captures what I've been feeling for a while, but have been too chicken to say out loud for myself. I mean, i haven't been teaching, but i feel like it still applies to me. So here you have it... my life in Donald Miller's words:

There is a time when every person who encounters Jesus, who believes Jesus is the Son of God, decides that they will spend their life following him. Some people, like the Apostle Paul, make this decision the minute the meet him, the minute they become a christian. Others, like the Apostle Peter endure years of half - hearted commitment and spiritual confusion before leaping in with all their passion. Still others may enjoy some benefits of God's love and grace without entering into the true joy of a marriage with their maker.
Not long after i graduated from high school, i found myself leading a college group at a large church just outside Houston. I cherished the role, at first, because it was a place of honor. I studied the Bible for hours, putting talks together that students enjoyed. It started as a substitute teaching job. The college minister couldn't be there one week, so he asked me to fill in. When i was asked to speak again, i jumped at the chance like Homer Simpson at a donut. Pretty soon i was teaching all the time. I swam in the attention and the praise, i loved it, i lusted for it, i almost drowned in it. The more attention i got, the strange i became. I was on my way to having my own religious television show. Okay, that's a bit much, but you know what i mean. I was a smiler, a hand-shaker, a baby-kisser, a speech -giver. I said things like "God be with you", and "lord bless you". I used cliches like a bad novelist.
I led the college group for a couple of years and enjoyed it at first, but it wasn't long before i felt like a phony. I got tired of myself. I didn't like to hear my own voice because i sounded like a talk-show host.
One afternoon i made an appointment with my pastor and told him i was leaving, that i was going into the world to et my thinking straight.... I've tried to put words to it, you know, but i can't. I'm just really tired. Mentally drained. I feel like i am jumping through hoops or something. I don't feel like God is teaching through me. I feel like i am a fake person, you know. I say what i need to say, do what i need to do, but i don't really mean it....
I suppose what i wanted back then is what every Christian wants, whether they understand themselves or not. What i wanted was God. I wanted tangible interaction. But even more than that, to be honest, i wanted to know who i was. I felt like a robot or an insect or a mysterious blob floating around in the universe. I believed that if i could contact God, He would be able to explain who and why i was.
The days an weeks before a true commitment to Jesus can be terrible and lonely. I think i was feeling bitter about the human experience. I never asked to be human. nobody came to the womb and explained the situation to me, asking for my permission to go into the world and live and breathe and eat and feel joy and pain. I started thinking about how odd it was to be human, how we are stuck inside this skin, forced to be attracted to the opposite sex, forced to eat food and use the rest room and then stuck to earth by gravity. I think maybe i was going crazy or something. i spent an entire week feeling bitter because i couldn't breathe underwater. I told God i wanted to be a fish. I also felt a little bitter about sleep. Why do we have to sleep? i wanted to be able to stay wake for as long as i wanted, but God had put me in this body that had to sleep. Life no longer seemed like an experience of freedom...

There is something beautiful about a billions star held steady by a God who know what he is doing. (they hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as i lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. of course, i had always know he was, but this time i felt it, i realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined him looking down on this earth, half angry because his beloved mankind had cheated on him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her.
i know a little of why there is blood in my body, pumping life into my limbs and through into my brain. I am wanted by God. He is wanting to preserve me, to guide me through the darkness of the shadow of death, up into the highlands of his presence and afterlife. I understand that i am temporary, in this shell of a thing on this dirt of an earth. I am being tempted by Satan, we are all being tempted by Satan, but i am preserved to tell those who do now know about our saviour and our redeemer....
I lay there under the stars and thought of what great responsibility it is to be human. I am human because God made me. I experience suffering and temptation because mankind chose to follow Satan. God is reaching out to me to rescue me. i am learning to trust him, learning to live by his precepts that i might be preserved." (95 -101)

shine

Tonight was a really fun night. Spent some time hanging with some great people over supper and then just chatting. My roomies were watching "Coach Carter" when i got downstairs, and i caught the end of it, which is the most powerful part. This is a great quote from the movie, which applies pretty well to life i think...

Our deepest fear is not
that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that
we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
that most frightens us.
Your playing small
does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened
about shrinking
so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine,
as children do.
It's not just in some of us,
it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated
from our own fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

carie

yay, women heroines

"But history, real solemn history, I cannot be interested in... I read it a little as a duty, but it tells me nothing that does not either vex or weary me. The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars or pestilences, in every page; the men all so good for nothing, and hardly any women at all -- it is very tiresome" -- Catherine Morland in Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey (1817)

"It is difficult to imagine or to underestimate the price many of these women paid in the currency of loneliness, self-doubt, ridicule, and insult. They were often considered to be in flagrant violation of the laws, written and unwritten, of God and man. Many were jailed for their beliefs and activities. They were seen to be violating the natural order, the way "everyone" knew things were supposed to be. They persevered against odds that should have been overwhelming--and they triumphed. "
--Phyllis J. Read and Bernard L. Witlieb in The Book of Women's Firsts

ANGELS AND DEMONS

I think my kids are trying to remind me that they're not little angels... in fact, they're little holy terrors! SERIOUSLY! Some days i come home ABSOLUTELY sure that i NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to have children! Yesterday and today are good examples!

Yesterday they were running around like maniacs and just DYING to start a fight. I stopped one strangulation, and next thing is a bunch of bigger boys looking to beat one little "shit stirrer". Then i'm suddenly dealing with half the community!
Or today, when one little kid freaked out when he wasn't allowed to destroy somebody else's artwork... he was crying, then screaming and yelling. Eventually we told him that he had to go home and he started screaming "i don't want to go home" over and over and hanging onto the door frame. We finally put his shoes on for him and deposited him on our doorstop where he continued to stand and scream. UGGG> its so hard to deal with a kid being that upset, but there's no other way to calm him down. I don't think i can explain to you quite how emotionally painful it is.
Otherdays (like tonight) one little kid is just so desparate to have me stay that he won't get off my lap, even though he normally won't stand to be touched. He's the toughest little 6 year old i've ever seen, who just really wants to be loved. He spent about an hour and a bit working on paper mache with me. What 6 year old boy do you know that will do that? i dunno. and he just really wanted to be hugged before home time. I stayed an entire hour after work with him, just because he seemed to really need it.

I love them. I really do. i can't imagine not being part of their lives, and not having them as part of mine. But somedays i'm pretty sure that i have no need for any sort of contraception. (not that that's a problem, fear not!)The desire for sex is pretty strongly out-weighed by the fear of producing kids!!! Motherhood seems like the scariest thing that any person can possibly take on. Especially alone. i can't tell you how high my regard for single mothers is. what a huge job.
And i get to try and "mould these young lives" (somehow ???) by teaching them for the rest of forever.... huh. career change anybody !?!? Kidding, but that's a huge responsibility in itself. I hope i'm up to it.

anyway - its been a long day, so i should pack it in.

Carie

Putting the beach in a jar

I realize that i created my "quote board" for this purpose, but since this is a larger quote, and one that i found in about February, when it was REALLY meaningful to me. I still really appreciate it, and in fact it was stuck to my mirror (before it fell off the wall and shattered. Here we go with the bad luck...) The book is by James Peterson. I'm a horrible B.A. and didn't even write down the title or pg number, but here it is:

"Living life is like putting the beach into a jar. The point isn't to fit everything it; it is to attend to the most important things first - the big beautiful rocks, the most valuable people and experiences - and fit the lesser things in around them. Otherwise the best things might get left out."

*and before you go on a bandwagon about the "most valuable" people, STOP. You know what he means. Don't over analyze!

gotta teach a lesson in front of the camera tomorrow.. uggg!
better go find something to wear.
love!

Falling

MAN - i love fall. Its gorgeous, but so fleeting. I wish i could capture every element of the colours, brief warm winds, sound or leaves rustling or crunching, smell and beauty of the sunset hitting those leaves and making a golden glow. its hard to describe.

This is the physics building, and tho i admittedly shudder when considering spending time in that dreary building, it is most definatly stunning from the outside, especially with that kind of frame.

McNab is going really well. I have really appreciated being back with the kids, and am SO impressed with Annette, the new director person. She is fantastic, and has already found so many sponsers and donations, and has some terrific ideas. I think she is going to be a huge plus for the kids. It would just be so much easier if we could find (even 1) quality person to come work with us everyday - it makes the program a lot less crowd control and a lot more relational. Its funny - looking back over last year, i realize that i am an idealist, who manages to disguise all the bad in the good. I forgot about all the angry, abusive families; FAS; and the kids'desparation to be loved... It doesn't make working there bad - in fact, i feel like i'm actually doing something worthwhile - but it does break my heart. somehow in the chaos of everyday i find myself loving them and really worrying about them, even while i'm being stern with them for hitting each other or whatever. it totally gives me new respect for foster parents. It must be so hard to love your kids so much and then have them leave you. I don't know how they do it.

anyway - i should get to work.
Carie

Rough day?

You know you've had a rough day when...

 

ALL GOD'S CHILDREN

It’s the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain
It’s the song of the forgiven
Drowning out the Amazon rain
The song of Asian believers
Filled with God’s holy fire
It’s every tribe, every tongue, every nation
A love song born of a grateful choir

It’s all God’s children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
It’s all God’s children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns

Let it rise about the four winds
Caught up in the heavenly sound
Let praises echo from the towers of cathedrals
To the faithful gathered underground
Of all the songs sung from the dawn of creation
Some were meant to persist
Of all the bells rung from a thousand steeples
None rings truer than this

And all the powers of darkness
Tremble at what they’ve just heard
‘Cause all the powers of darkness
Can’t drown out a single word

When all God’s children sing out
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
All God’s people singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns

QUOTATION

WOW! Today is my 110th post. I missed my 100th birthday by mistake - ah well. happy birthday blog. I decided to count, since Beth's blog turned 22, and it seems like i've been doing this forever. I have - i'm just a very inconsistant poster :)
I was thinking back to the beginning of blogging, and realized that my intent from the beginning was to post a great quote after every post. Clearly this hasn't happened, so i decided to put up a quote board. This is for the literary wonders out there, and also for the less published, but still funny everyday quotes. So if you have something to add - go hard!

have fantastically brilliant day. (it is friday you know!)
love!
Carie

check lists

YAY! ASSIGNMENT DONE > Check
bath and early bedtime > Check!

nighty night!

THANKSGIVING DINNER? THAT'S KABLAMO!

As you may have guessed, i'm supposed to be doing homework right now. instead i decided to make up a picture collage of my life. Granted, its not my WHOLE life, although it sure feels like it... esp the girl juggling her computer, cell phone and stupid term paper. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Why is it taking me so long to do this stupid assignment ???

This is Thorvoldson: it actually looks a lot like that today. Kinda windy but still nice Gothic power to it. Its always so dark and creepy inside. I love it! And those are peole coming and going  - it looked like that about 2 days ago... amazing... the wind came last night and today - and now all the leaves are suddenly gone. Winter is on the way (CHOKE CHOKE)

 And this is my home sweet home in Saskatoon... middle of nowhere! But at least we get to be in the middle. If we're going to be somewhere. Middles are important right???

ANYWAYS, i should get back to the wonderfully exciting world of curriculum analysis before i go for supper at the 'rents. THAT'S KABLAMO!

later.
C

Growing up!

I'm almost a real grown up! I bought my own freezer today!! It is only 5.5 cubic feet (which means i can pick her up and carry her by myself, if that gives you some idea of her size) but i'm happy :)  Isn't she pretty? I need to come up with a good name for her! Now i can actually make and eat real meals on the limited time frame that i have.. yay yay yay. laziness right here!  i'm so excited. I may have to beat my roomates off with a stick, but hey.

anyway - its my sister's birthday today, so i need to go find her  a nice prezzie, then go set up her birthday meal / party (its really only  my family - does that count as a party??)

later!
Carie

Interview with God

interview with God

this is a beautifully cute little video...

thanks anna!

wednesday

3RF's

- I'm having a really difficult time finishing off my 101 things to do in the next 1001 days... seems that i'm not as ambitious as i thought. (either to finish the list or to do anything in the next 3 years!)
- i think i'm going crazy. i'm actually enjoying group work (mostly)
- libraries make me happy. i love the studious air and quiet nap inducing atmosphere.

I LOVE MY MCNAB KIDS! they're awesome, adn i'm so excited to go back and work with them everyday. It just about broke my heart when 3 diff kids asked me the same question: "are you staying?" and when i said yes, "forever??". I guess i really underestimated how much people come and go from their lives, so its kinda nice to be a semi - constant for them.

anyway, i should MOST DEFINATELY be doing my assignment right now.. so i should go before my beloved aforementioned group mates start to stalk and possibly inflict bodily harm on me... :)

cheerio

random tired randomness

sooo tired... so this one is gonna be quick... even in point form!

- last day at brunskill today - moving to mcnab tomorrow!!! YIPPEE!!! These are some of my cute little boys!! I can't wait to see them!

- my boss is a moron. he wanted me to start work today, after telling me (or actually having somebody else ask me what time i'd be there)... and then not even appologizing for NEVER calling me back about working there when i asked him about it!

- group work is very difficult

- i did no work this weekend, and have a feeling it is going to bite me in the a$$ pretty soon

- i had a SUPER fun birthday, and now i have lots of piratey loot (still TOO much bootie tho'... if you catch my drift. REALLY need to start running soon!)

- i've just discovered that i have a long distance package on my phone... only thing is, we have STUPID time differences with everybody i love and want to phone!

- i'm in a big "KILLERS" funk at the moment, esp "MR BRIGHTSIDE" - reminds me of Moulin Rouge.

- i have only been home from camp for 1 month tomorrow. Feels like forever and yet just yesterday.

- i am now going to bed! and i am NOT getting up for my 8:30 class. OOPS> guess i slept (or am sleeping) through it. its a neccesity of uni life. don't look at me like that.

so nighty night!