Saturday, February 26, 2005

Missing

didn't think i was an evanescence fan..

Missing - EVANESCENCE
by Amy Lee/Ben Moody/David Hodges

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll look out,
And, barely conscious, you’ll say to no one:
Isn’t something missing?

You won’t cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I’ll bleed,
Knowing you don’t care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something...

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Friday, February 25, 2005

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans

Jesus, All For Jesus
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free,
For it's only in Your will that I am free,
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

What's going on???

Listening to the sermon on Sunday morning, i realized that i know shamefully little about the crisis in Darfur, and no idea of what i could personally do to help. Todd sent me this article with the suggestion that we could write to our MP's., the immigration minister and prime minister's offices, to support this call for action. Another thing you could do is write a short letter to the editor showing your support for Government action. It seems so small in light of such horror, but is a limited way that we in nice safe Saskatoon can help. Contacts for all of these people are available at parl.gc.ca. Newspaper links are



http://www.canada.com/saskatoon/starphoenix/letters.html
http://www.cbc.ca/contact/index.jsp

Yay Paul Martin.


PUBLICATION: GLOBE AND MAIL
IDN: 050540207
DATE: 2005.02.23
PAGE: A1
BYLINE: PAUL KORING
SECTION: National News
EDITION: Metro
DATELINE: Brussels BELGIUM
WORDS: 541

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martin vows to ease Darfur’s suffering

PAUL KORING (BRUSSELS) Canada will no longer sit by and allow the grim humanitarian disaster in Sudan’s Darfur region to continue, Prime Minister Paul Martin said yesterday, pledging “whatever is required” to a robust peacekeeping force being considered at the United Nations.

In an unexpected and passionate statement after a NATO summit that largely ignored African security issues, Mr. Martin declared that the African Union has failed to deploy effective peacekeeping units in Darfur.

“The humanitarian crisis remains,” Mr. Martin told reporters in Brussels after the summit, which was intended to patch up rifts over U.S. President George W. Bush’s invasion of Iraq.

A senior official said it was too early to say what role Canada might play in Sudan, but added the most serious needs are for logistics support and training.

The government had previously offered to help train African troops.

But the AU had trouble finding battalions to send to Darfur, where an estimated two million people have been displaced and 300,000 killed.

“It’s just taking too long and people are suffering,” Mr. Martin said.

Besides training and logistics, a Darfur force would desperately need helicopter detachments to be capable of providing reconnaissance and surveillance for ground forces.

Canada has filled that role on peace missions in Haiti and Bosnia.

Helicopter squadrons are among the few units in the Canadian Forces not overstretched by current overseas operations.

Mr. Martin said Darfur was a key element in bilateral discussions with British Prime Minister Tony Blair in Brussels, and he intends to pursue the issue with UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan this week.

“We will do whatever is required, but we cannot simply sit by and watch what is happening in Darfur continue,” he said.

The UN Security Council is considering a U.S.-backed resolution that would send a force of up to 10,000 to underpin a shaky ceasefire in the long-running civil war in Sudan. The force would be able to aid AU peacekeepers in Darfur, with Mr. Annan’s authorization.

The north-south civil conflict is separate from the brutal waves of ethnic cleansing and terror that have occurred in Darfur. There have been repeated clashes between rebels and government troops, and roving armed bands of Arab militias known as janjaweed continue to loot, burn, rape and pillage in Darfur.

Mr. Annan called on the UN last week to “act to save humanity from hell” in Darfur.

Mr. Martin has apparently heard the call, but it remains uncertain whether the resolution to establish a peacekeeping force will win the support of Security Council members who say Sudan should be given more time to curb the violence.

The government in Khartoum has adamantly opposed any significant presence of foreign forces in Darfur. Although the AU has sent about 1,400 troops to Darfur, the mission is now widely acknowledged to be beyond the limited ability and experience of the force.

“The African Union has made an important contribution but it is clear that the enormous needs on the ground outstrip the AU’s current capacity,” Mr. Martin said.

The new force may still be mostly composed of troops from African nations, but needs UN command-and-control experience built up over decades, Mr. Martin said.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

You scored as Interpersonal. You enjoy being around people, like talking to people, have many friends, and engage in social activities. You learn best by relating, sharing, and participating in cooperative group environments. People like you include salespeople, consultants, community organizers, counselors, teachers or any other helping profession.

Interpersonal

96%

Bodily/Kinesthetic

75%

Intrapersonal

75%

Verbal/Linguistic

68%

Musical/Rhythmic

54%

Visual/Spatial

46%

Logical/Mathematical

32%

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com


Well, at least there's some confirmation in my life choices... even if its some silly internet quiz! And hey. I didn't need this test to tell me that my mathematical giftings were somewhat lacking!

Had a really good week - Fernie was awesome. My bum still hurts when i sit too long in any one place - combination of falling hard on the ice (catch the pun anyone?) and sitting on it for 20 hours in the bus. Also caught "snowboarder's lung" - i dunno what it is - really tight chest, cough and sore throat, etc. Nobody was sick on the trip, but a bunch of us have it now, so i can only figure it must be snowboarder's lung. It was a really good time to hang out with people and just relax tho'... It also makes giving up youth that much harder when you make such cool relationships with people. Maybe i'll just show up as much as i can. And WOW!, the mountains are BEAUTIFUL. maybe i'll talk more about them tomorrow when i don't feel like i'm going to cough up a lung.

But seeings i have to work in the morning, i should get to bed.
Peace!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

stayin' alive

So i did one of the hardest things I've had to do this year so far. I quit youth. Seriously, when i say that i love youth, i REALLY REALLY do. Unfortunately, i decided in amongst the rambling i did in yesterday's post, that today had to be a new and changed day. (WOW - ick, i remind myself of DR PHIL.) But something has to change if i don't want to go the way of the padded walls, and youth is pretty much the only thing in my week that i can give up. so i did. and i want to cry. But Brian needs me for the Fernie trip (how can there be a shortage of girl leaders on a trip to fernie you ask? I have no idea.) So at least i'll be able to spend that last bit of time hanging with people then. AND i get to go try snowboarding again... hope i don't die!
Somebody said something on Sunday night that really impacted me: it is not shameful to fail. In a lot of ways i feel like i'm failing by not fitting in everything i try to do in a week, but its ok. Going crazy is just not doing what i'm being called to do. I know i have a specific calling and purpose, and when i step back and let God work through me, instead of trying to be superwoman and do his job for him, or feel better about myself by being constantly busy, then I can be the woman God created me to be. comforting thought.

But i should get going, need to finish my application forms for education and get some stuff done for C&C.
in his grip.
c

pixie dust

hey, special kudo's to evan... i stole a weather pixie from your site. I want cool little thingies too! So now, even those baking in the nice warm weather a world away can kept track of our sucky blizards. NOTE AND BE GRATEFUL ALL YE SUNNY PEOPLE.
smiles,
carie

Monday, February 07, 2005

hurry sick?

I have been rereading a book that I read, somewhere around this time last year, and (as an obvious testament to my short attention span) am enjoying it all over again. My challenge for this week is about the way I spend my time. Actually the focus of the chapter is on hurrying... no problem for any of us, right? One of his points is that the reason we (and I use "we" in a very non-specific "me" sort of way here...) hurry so much, is to create a sense of order and importance for ourselves. If I’m perpetually in motion, perpetually in demand, perpetually supposed to be somewhere else, then I MUST be important. Actually no. Its all rather opposite to that in fact. Instead of finding purpose, we just find emptiness and a sense of disillusionment. Especially, as batty pointed out, when the world keeps going without you. What the author says is that "for many of us, the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of [life]. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them." Its a pretty scary (and accurate) picture I think.

Some symptoms he lists of being 'hurry sick': rushing through daily activities, multi-tasking, clutter, superficiality and the inability to love (because you're simply too busy). Sound familiar? It rang some disturbingly well worn bells in my head. We live in such a fast track society, where if your food isn't ready in 30 seconds you get it free, and waiting is something alike torture.
"This does not mean we will never be busy. But consider Jesus. Jesus often had much to do, but he never did it in a way that severed the life-giving connection between him and his Father. He never did it in a way that interfered with his ability to give love when love was called for. He observed a regular practice of withdrawing from activity for the sake of solitude and prayer. Jesus was often busy, but never hurried."
Its hard for me to imagine Jesus saying “no” to doing things, or taking off for the hills when people obviously needed him or wanted to talk to him, but he did. He needed time to connect with his Father, and if HE did, then I sure do too. But instead, in my hurry I talk to God as I’m pulling on my clothes, telling him thanks for understanding the craziness of my life, and that I’d catch him later (which of course I never have time to do.) And I wonder why I feel disconnected from his love and peace when I suddenly want his attention.

I think I’ve discovered in this chapter the reason for this feeling of aimlessness and lost solitary wandering. Its because I’ve been rushing forward full throttle into life where I’m pushing my Father’s loving arms away in favour of mindless busyness and stress to make myself feel important. And in all this time, I could just rest in his arms and be cherished and loved without the sleep deprivation and feelings of rejection. So simple. But how to accomplish resting? Maybe it has something to do with a thought inspired in Chris’ blog… : God doesn't give me strength to be who I am, he gives me strength to let him be who he is THROUGH me. Crazy hey?

I am so blessed by the people I love, and those who love me, despite (and I like to think because of) my imperfections and paranoid insecurities. Developing my mantra from a previous entry, when we make people take the place of God in our lives, my expectations and their lives are going to crash & burn. I’ve been driving myself crazy thinking about my place and fit in life when really it is just to rest in my father’s arms and enjoy the awesome people and situations he’s put into my life. It is so easy to have this upside down view of life when I put myself at the center, but when I put God in the center, it suddenly all makes sense. Things in life don’t hurt less, and situations still suck sometimes, but he has a timing and plan (believe it or not) that is perfect, and all I have to do is kick back and participate, instead of glaring in from the sidelines or crying into my pillow.

This is probably not the most profound or interesting revelation ever, but it all ties together for me. I need to get rid of my pride effectively to let God be the center again, and my pride revolves a lot around things that I do, and who I am to people. So maybe I have to find a way to change all that. Ortberg notes: “Following Jesus cannot be done at a sprint. If we want to follow someone, we can’t go faster than the one who is leading.”

I promised a quote at the end of each entry, and I’ve been horribly remiss in that. I think this is a particularly fitting quote from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.

“Now here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.”




Sunday, February 06, 2005

where the streets have no name

I remember when these guys were considered "bad" and "hard rock"... hehe. how times have changed since grade 3. However, i love this song, so i thought i'd post the lyrics. I think so many people feel this way. I know i do sometimes. Its easy to say that there's no need to be lonely when you have Jesus, and i know that's definately the Sunday School answer, and true in many respects, but there's also the basics of the human relationship minefield that you have to navigate that can be heartbreaking.

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f***** up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

- Greenday

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

uggggg

why do i still feel yucky? i dunno. The sore throat and headaches went away and i thought i'd beaten this thing, but it feels like a giant thumb grinding me into the ground, eyeballs first. uggg. Its not really "sick" - its just miserable. (which is almost worse in my oppinion: no reason to not do everyday things, but every reason to feel gross while doing them. Really sucks the joy out of the daily grind.) I felt like crap, so i sat down for 10 mins today between work and work... and woke up 45 mins (and half an hour of my work shift) later. oops. bad sign when you can sleep for 45 mins sitting up.
So i'm going to take Batgirl's advise at this point and go take an (extended) nap. Hope for the best.

YIPPEE!





You Should Try Whitewater Rafting





Get in some IV class rapids...
And see if you can stay in the raft




SEE! These tests are great! And white water rafting is DEFINATELY amoung one of the greatest things i've ever done :) I highly recommend it to anybody!!! It was also my first experience of the great Canadian outdoors, so i struck it lucky!! Hehe, no snow, ice or sandstorms for me!