hurry sick?

I have been rereading a book that I read, somewhere around this time last year, and (as an obvious testament to my short attention span) am enjoying it all over again. My challenge for this week is about the way I spend my time. Actually the focus of the chapter is on hurrying... no problem for any of us, right? One of his points is that the reason we (and I use "we" in a very non-specific "me" sort of way here...) hurry so much, is to create a sense of order and importance for ourselves. If I’m perpetually in motion, perpetually in demand, perpetually supposed to be somewhere else, then I MUST be important. Actually no. Its all rather opposite to that in fact. Instead of finding purpose, we just find emptiness and a sense of disillusionment. Especially, as batty pointed out, when the world keeps going without you. What the author says is that "for many of us, the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of [life]. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them." Its a pretty scary (and accurate) picture I think.

Some symptoms he lists of being 'hurry sick': rushing through daily activities, multi-tasking, clutter, superficiality and the inability to love (because you're simply too busy). Sound familiar? It rang some disturbingly well worn bells in my head. We live in such a fast track society, where if your food isn't ready in 30 seconds you get it free, and waiting is something alike torture.
"This does not mean we will never be busy. But consider Jesus. Jesus often had much to do, but he never did it in a way that severed the life-giving connection between him and his Father. He never did it in a way that interfered with his ability to give love when love was called for. He observed a regular practice of withdrawing from activity for the sake of solitude and prayer. Jesus was often busy, but never hurried."
Its hard for me to imagine Jesus saying “no” to doing things, or taking off for the hills when people obviously needed him or wanted to talk to him, but he did. He needed time to connect with his Father, and if HE did, then I sure do too. But instead, in my hurry I talk to God as I’m pulling on my clothes, telling him thanks for understanding the craziness of my life, and that I’d catch him later (which of course I never have time to do.) And I wonder why I feel disconnected from his love and peace when I suddenly want his attention.

I think I’ve discovered in this chapter the reason for this feeling of aimlessness and lost solitary wandering. Its because I’ve been rushing forward full throttle into life where I’m pushing my Father’s loving arms away in favour of mindless busyness and stress to make myself feel important. And in all this time, I could just rest in his arms and be cherished and loved without the sleep deprivation and feelings of rejection. So simple. But how to accomplish resting? Maybe it has something to do with a thought inspired in Chris’ blog… : God doesn't give me strength to be who I am, he gives me strength to let him be who he is THROUGH me. Crazy hey?

I am so blessed by the people I love, and those who love me, despite (and I like to think because of) my imperfections and paranoid insecurities. Developing my mantra from a previous entry, when we make people take the place of God in our lives, my expectations and their lives are going to crash & burn. I’ve been driving myself crazy thinking about my place and fit in life when really it is just to rest in my father’s arms and enjoy the awesome people and situations he’s put into my life. It is so easy to have this upside down view of life when I put myself at the center, but when I put God in the center, it suddenly all makes sense. Things in life don’t hurt less, and situations still suck sometimes, but he has a timing and plan (believe it or not) that is perfect, and all I have to do is kick back and participate, instead of glaring in from the sidelines or crying into my pillow.

This is probably not the most profound or interesting revelation ever, but it all ties together for me. I need to get rid of my pride effectively to let God be the center again, and my pride revolves a lot around things that I do, and who I am to people. So maybe I have to find a way to change all that. Ortberg notes: “Following Jesus cannot be done at a sprint. If we want to follow someone, we can’t go faster than the one who is leading.”

I promised a quote at the end of each entry, and I’ve been horribly remiss in that. I think this is a particularly fitting quote from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.

“Now here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.”