young for a moment

Five For Fighting - 100 Years

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I don't know what it is about this song that i find so powerful and tragic, except that i think we wish ourselves away as we wish time forward. Ever said to yourself "i wish this was over" or "i can't wait till the end of this day/week/semester/year"? I definately have, and its terrible. In grade 11, i had a picture stuck onto the front cover of my dayplanner/diary with the words "carpe diem" on it, and i decided then that i would live by that rule, but alas... i have fallen into apathy and barely even make a move to mark each day as it flies by.
I guess what made me meander down this particular philosophical path was a discussion that i was having with my kids at McNab tonight. One, a 13yr old girl, was debating whether she should go out and get smashed or stay at the center and decorate cookies with the other kids. It was such a startling contrast to me that i was quite staggered. She's so determined to grow up and follow her father in his alcoholism that i sometimes forget that she's just a little girl who really wants to help make and decorate cookies. (now before we get all defensive and scary and accusatory, please note that i am not against drinking at all. in fact, i quite like it. BUT, when i look at the lives these kids live, mostly as a result of their parent's addictions to alcohol and other less legal substances, i have a hard time justifying it. I have an impossible time justifying it when my little kids are getting involved with it too.)

I felt quite silly talking to these 10 - 13 year olds about why alcohol is dumb because it makes you do stupid things and makes you vulnerable, when they started talking about their moms and dads who hit each other and chase the kids or give away their money or "forget" to pay for the phone or the power.
These same little kids, - my little 9 year old boys who come everyday to tell me about their day, or to give me a hug, or to colour pictures with me, are explaining to me about what sex bracelets mean (pretty graphic really... makes you re-evaluate fashion) and spend hours of their day on chatlines with whoever and whatever perverts are online. It really scares me and makes me want to cry. These little children are growing up in front of me, and i can see them becoming hardened and streetwise and vicious by the day, and i can't do anything to stop it. Except pray for them. I don't know how to stand in the gap for them when they can't even see the problem. They're so smart and talented and quick to catch on to things, and it breaks my heart that the kids with major ambition want to be bartenders and waitresses for the rest of their lives, and are considering dropping out of school before they're 15.

I am very blessed.

night.
~carie