I was trying to find a little mission statement i had written for myself a couple weeks after moving to Canada, in order to try and remember exactly how i felt. Isn't it odd that i can't really recall exactly? time definately dims emotion i guess. But i found this little list of words i found funny/ weird and my description of each one, which i obviuosly wrote to somebody in SA. And then i found that i had apparently emailed it to Daniel at some point, and he "RE-TRANSLATED" it for me... so here goes the unabridged retranslation of "WIERD CANADIAN STUFF".
*** PLEASE NOTE: i do not hold myself responsible for how condescending or sarcastic i sound in this post. Please keep in mind that i have done much "CANADIANIZING" in 6 (wow, 6 already) years. ALSO: although immigrants are generally nostalgic about the "homeland" - where ever that might be, we all made the choice to be in this great country, and we would go back to where ever if we really didn't like it. So for all of you true -blue Canadians... I REALLY DO LOVE YOU :) ***
Daniel's retranslation of English....
(I hope you don't mind but I took the freedom to "re-translate" some of your words back into REAL english)
WEIRD CANADIAN WORDS…
Traffic light - robot - one of those machines that does your work for you
Christmas orange - naartjie - some wierd spelled SA swear...
Band-aids - plasters - drunks...
horn - hooter - boob
trunk - boot - cowboys wear these
sweater - any form of jersey (or so it appears, I’m still not clear on the issues of bunnyhugs, sweaters and cardigans…. ) - jersey is what sports teams wear
turn lights - indicators - indicators are signs... and they're called signal lights in the first place...
hockey - general word to describe violence in Canada. Seriously talked about and very competitive (heck the country’s under snow for 6 months a year, you have to find a descent winter sport. I’m still (very slowly) getting into it) - GO OILERS GO!!!
Binder - file (with spaces for 3 hole paper, not 2) - something you hang in a filing cabinet
Crap - trouble (considered normal language [even used in church] whereas “damn” is considered to be of the 4 letter list à different cultures, different swear words.) - also what comes out of your "ice"
Diapers - nappies - when a little kid has a nap
Pacifier/soother - dummy - YOU... hehehe (couldn't resist)
Flashlight - torch - indiana jones uses one in the cave...
Trolley - foofey slide (trolleys here are called shopping cart) -foofey is a dumb dogs name... not sure how you make a slide out of it...
Teeter totter - seesaw - underwater animal like a seahorse...
Beef jerky - stuff that looks and acts like biltong, but smells and tastes vile!!!!!! Avoid at all costs. - you have no clue what's good for you!
Mail - post - long vertical thing (usually used for fastening signs and lights)
Zero - naught - you tie knots (learn how to spell!)
Elevator - Lift - brings you up the ski hill
Truck - lorry - it's spellt Lorie and is a girls name
Van - combi - short for combination
White out- tippex - you only know one brand? why pick on tissues vs. Kleenes then???
Other engigmatic canadiana:
foyer (pronounced “fooyeeeaa”) .:. unrecognizable
aluminum- pronounced “alooominum”
about - pronounced “a-boot” [not really. but its a fun stereotype]
bunny-hug - a jersey type thing with a hood and big pocket in the front (like a nun) where you can clasp both hands together in the pocket (nobody knows why it’s called a bunny hug.)
Bannock - flat, tasteless (in my experience, but I’m no cook) native bread
weather - the most discussed subject in Canada -> it’s practically a national pastime
toque - a beanie (who knew?) apparently a beanie has some difference (like ear flaps or something… another grey issue for me, and generally somewhere I don’t go…. Makes you look intelligent not to ask questions about other people’s (often odd) headgear.
Crazy carpet - piece of plastic with cut out spaces to hold onto as you hurtle down a snow covered hill. Haven’t’ experienced this yet, heard reports of concussion. Still under deliberation. (similar concept to tobogganing)
Snow boarding - surfing on snow (except you’re tied on, and it’s generally a recipe for visits to the x-ray dept of the hospital. (another sport under deliberation…. Umm , no) [NOTE: I wrote this a couple weeks after arriving... SNOW BOARDING ROCKS!!]
Spitz - edible sunflower seed (can be flavored… put the whole thing in your mouth, extract the seed and spit out the shell [takes practice, I end up gobbing:- seeds, shells and all]
Loonies, toonies, quarters, nickels and dimes - Canadian currency. Respectively - $1, $2, 25c, 5c and 10c (the loonies are named after loons (birds) not mad people, and I have no ideas about the toonies.)
Santa clause - father Christmas
thank goodness they pronounce it “zed” not “zeee”
SOME OTHER WEIRD STUFF...
> You don’t see the same stars (this may be obvious to the seasoned astronomer, but I never thought about it before)
> The toilets/ drains etc flush the wrong way (someone told me this and I investigated, I do have a life)
> The lights switches go up to turn on, not down
> You drive on the wrong side of the road (and in winter the govt sprinkles salt and sand on the roads until they look (and feel like) dirt roads
> They don’t have such thing as spray deo. When we eventually found some (in some tiny chemist) it stinks and feels like hairspray
> They have no idea about shaving cream/ water fights… what a sad life!
> Social introductions include: “lets go for coffee”
> People that have bicycles have special spikes in the tires to stop them slipping on the ice
> O henry, jolly ranchers, and gummy bears are need to know kinds of sweets (refer to the point on avoiding very intellectually damaging stupid questions)
> Living on the prairies provides you the opportunity of the lifetime to learn all there is to know about agriculture. Unfortunately, I’m a heathen… don’t know, don’t care.
> All the doors and windows have screens on them for summer, if you venture out without bugspray, you’re likely to be carried away by some huge mozzies
> Country music is accepted as the norm… they have only ~ 5 decent (local) stations, and country is one of them (damned people have my dad hooked, so guess what we have to listen to in his car………..)
> Foreigners (such as I) have to watch how we say words like "ice", "birch", etc... as they sometimes have some negative reactions...
Anyway, this turned out to be quite a long post!
I mostly just procrastinating to avoid homework. I'm not sure WHAT exactly i should be doing... more to the point, i don't know WHERE i should start with all the work i SHOULD be doing ;)
MEH
i think i might just go read a book instead. Ostrich style. Pretend its not there.. maybe it won't see me.
tata.
1 comment:
Ah, you crazy South African. Your insight is funny.
Birch... hee hee. Good thing it doesn't come up as often as "ice".
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