do you ever feel like you're mired down in a mass of monotony which is slowly pulling you downwards with its maudlin blahness. its not like there's anything wrong or even boring - its just not right somehow. You're fighting desparately hard to regain ground you've lost and you're screaming silently in your head, hoping with all your heart that those who know you best and love you most will somehow figure out what's wrong with you so that you can fix it. And then you realize that all and any change that you expect to occur has to come from within and above and has really got nothing at all to do with anybody else or any situations you're in.
i have to face up to being me with all my quirks and quandries and general misanthropy. its wierd, because up until this moment i don't think i'd ever have described myself as mysanthropic. but i think maybe its something thats growing in me as i get older. i have these strange urges just to go home sometimes when i'm in a crowd (*gasp, shudder*). Maybe i'm just tired of feeling new again. it takes so much energy not to care, and even more energy to care, and maybe i'm just not up for that. how do i feel new? i don't know. but it feels like starting again.
or maybe i'm just up for hanging out with a close friend, having a random conversation about nothing instead of running off to McD.
conclusion of this garble: i think i'm tired.
i am. therefore i sleep.
c
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2 comments:
hey hugbug eish! I reckon this has to be the hardest stage of our lives ne? At a pretty low spot too, we just have to trust and hang in there.. striving for a smile. praying for you sweetie love debs
thanks duckie!!
I miss you guys so much! Hope you're having a rockin' time exploring the world. And life will get better, i know. Its actually REALLY good (you'd never guess from the post, i know) buy i'm praying for you today too!!
SMILES!
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