Inspired by Batgirl, here are my 3 random facts of the day (or 3RF if you will):
> I am sort of afraid of heights (in a my-knees-feel-kinda-like-they-don't-want-to-hold-me way) but bungy jumping was one of the best experiences of my life.
> my favourite colour is purple
> i hardly ever listen to the lyrics of a song until after i've fallen in love with the music
I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED SEEING TREE 63 IN CONCERT IN SASKATOON. i'm not even sure how much i like them (i mean i like "Joy" - as you know if you've ever done kids stuff with me, and "blessed be your name") but they had one stop in Canada and that was in "Kaskatoon,SA" tonight!!! They are from Durban, which, if you know your SA geography (as you should) is only 40 mins away from Pietermaritzburg. i feel that i have let down my countrymen. Oh well. maybe i'll have to start figuring out whether or not i like their music.
HOWEVER, i did have a really fun evening. I went to the benifit concert for the Bridge, and came to the interesting realization that my heart and interests are changing. Even as short a time as about 3 weeks ago, i really didn't understand people with a different economic and social way of life (especially the destitute/drug or alcohol addicts)and frankly didn't bother trying. But i found tonight that i genuinely do care. I guess God is still subtly changing my heart and the way i think about people thru the situations he's putting me in.
I think life is about constantly learning, growing and changing... but this makes me somewhat fickle in my passions. Take drums for instance. I really love playing the drums, but i think what i like even more than playing them is knowing how. There are many things out there that i do, just because i want to know how, and less because i even want to do it. Learning HTML or how to sew or drink beer or dance... the list goes on. Its weirdly like i'm competing with myself to be the best, most well rounded and informed person possible, even though its completely meaningless to anybody else. Having said that, i learnt 2 new, enjoyable things today. Mikos was teaching me to play chess, and did a good job in my opinion. I know he could have kicked my butt in just a couple of moves, but he made me feel like i was fairly intelligent and inspired me to want to figure out chess so that i can be good the next time. The second thing was learning to play guitar with Jordan. I have this remotely dread feeling that i'll never really be any good at guitar, but it seems like a valuable life skill, and i want to be one of those people who can just pick up a guitar and play, whatever my mood. (kind of like running - i really wish that i didn't only have 2 speeds [running and walking]... movies where people get out all their tension by going jogging always inspire me-- [temporarily]).
To think that my original intent was to end each blog with a quote.... (oops). But this one kinda fits i think. (i love TS Elliot. He was a genius). This one is from "The love song of J Alfred Prufrock" L24-34)
"And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea. "
well, i guess if i want to be a decent human being at 10, i should get some sleep.
so, in the (unfortunate) word of Mike... "checkmate"
and goodnight.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Friday, November 05, 2004
signs of the times...
I got this forward from a friend in south africa who i hardly ever keep in touch with... guess life's just as crazy no matter what side of the hemisphere you're living in.
You know you're living in 2004 when... ..
1 You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3 You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of four
4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5 Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6 When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7 When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial " 0 " to get an outside line.
8 You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10 You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news .
11 Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12 Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. AND..............
13 You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14 As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends."
15 You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
16 You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17 You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
18 AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
WOW... recognize yourself???????
i'm just scribbling this quickly between work and work... i don't know what's up this weekend... benifit concert for the Bridge @ Emmanuel promises to be excellent. ALSO on Sat Nov. 6,from 8pm-12am: If you like to listen/dance to the big band music of the 30s and 40s, then you should come to the Big Band Dance. The U of S Jazz Bands will be providing the music; D'reers will be catering and there will be a cash bar. Its at the Manhattan Ballroom (10 minutes outside of the city heading east on College Drive). Tickets are $12 for students and $15 for adults. You can buy them at St. John's Music, McNally-Robinson, Presto Musique or the Department of Music office.
anyways, got to get to work
shalom,
Car
You know you're living in 2004 when... ..
1 You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3 You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of four
4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5 Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6 When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7 When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial " 0 " to get an outside line.
8 You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10 You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news .
11 Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12 Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. AND..............
13 You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14 As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends."
15 You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
16 You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17 You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
18 AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
WOW... recognize yourself???????
i'm just scribbling this quickly between work and work... i don't know what's up this weekend... benifit concert for the Bridge @ Emmanuel promises to be excellent. ALSO on Sat Nov. 6,from 8pm-12am: If you like to listen/dance to the big band music of the 30s and 40s, then you should come to the Big Band Dance. The U of S Jazz Bands will be providing the music; D'reers will be catering and there will be a cash bar. Its at the Manhattan Ballroom (10 minutes outside of the city heading east on College Drive). Tickets are $12 for students and $15 for adults. You can buy them at St. John's Music, McNally-Robinson, Presto Musique or the Department of Music office.
anyways, got to get to work
shalom,
Car
Passion (less?)
I realized once again tonight what a wuss I am when it comes to being truly passionate about life and God. Its really scary a lot of the time. Beth (the genius that we ALL know she is) was leading worship, and was focussing on the idea of being passionate about God. I hate that its so easy to fall into the groove of meaningless singing and raising hands or clapping, just 'cus its what you're supposed to do in that moment. Music is such an expressive way to enter God's presence, but one I take for granted all the time. "heart of worship" is kind of cheesy really, but what I want to make worship times into for myself...
when the music fades
all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart
i bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
through the way things appear
you're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you
It's all about you, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about you
it's all about you, Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much you deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is yours
every single breath
WOW > every breath... easier said than done me thinks, especially when i'm too chicken to even mention God under the list of things i'm "into". Pray for opportunities and bravery i guess.
I should get some sleep, but a quick theological conundrum from one of my 8 year olds: (this is their idea, not mine - I take no responsibility here.)
If God and the Devil are brothers ("obvious" fact) and both are very powerful, how do we know who would win? Also, apparently the devil is roaming the streets of Saskatoon - he's been seen by the above mentioned 8 yr old. i couldn't get a description for the "have you seen this being sign" tho'. In my opinion, there are prob many devils wandering 'toon town. Scary.
What cuties they are... i can't believe I’ve been given the opportunity to just hang with them and love them for a whole year! Today we were playing at the Travelodge water slides :) GOOD TIMES! we only almost drowned 1 of them, and got almost all of the going down the slides all by themselves! Thank you God for a home with glass windows, a winter jacket, food in the fridge and at least 1 car in my yard. it is no exageration to say that I am heaped with unwarranted blessings. Hopefully i'll have a site up pretty soon, and then you can look at pictures of them from Halloween!
gratefully almost asleep (not quite dead... yet... we'll see at 5am)
~car
when the music fades
all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart
i bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
through the way things appear
you're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you
It's all about you, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about you
it's all about you, Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much you deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is yours
every single breath
WOW > every breath... easier said than done me thinks, especially when i'm too chicken to even mention God under the list of things i'm "into". Pray for opportunities and bravery i guess.
I should get some sleep, but a quick theological conundrum from one of my 8 year olds: (this is their idea, not mine - I take no responsibility here.)
If God and the Devil are brothers ("obvious" fact) and both are very powerful, how do we know who would win? Also, apparently the devil is roaming the streets of Saskatoon - he's been seen by the above mentioned 8 yr old. i couldn't get a description for the "have you seen this being sign" tho'. In my opinion, there are prob many devils wandering 'toon town. Scary.
What cuties they are... i can't believe I’ve been given the opportunity to just hang with them and love them for a whole year! Today we were playing at the Travelodge water slides :) GOOD TIMES! we only almost drowned 1 of them, and got almost all of the going down the slides all by themselves! Thank you God for a home with glass windows, a winter jacket, food in the fridge and at least 1 car in my yard. it is no exageration to say that I am heaped with unwarranted blessings. Hopefully i'll have a site up pretty soon, and then you can look at pictures of them from Halloween!
gratefully almost asleep (not quite dead... yet... we'll see at 5am)
~car
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
SO it lives again. For the most part, I haven't given out my blog address to anybody, and really just used it as some sort of a journal to keep myself occupied and my brain still working, but it seems that it has been birthed into the public eye.
It occurred to me today that i have to stop caring so much about other people's opinions. (I know that it is a pretty standard and even stupid realization... but somtimes these things have to be fully absorbed.) I fully embrace my failings where it comes to being a people pleaser (and thus, pretty much a push over), but it doesn't mean that i should adjust everything i think or feel just because it doesn't line up with popular public opinion, even of people that i really respect. For instance: today somebody at work asked me if i would be in management. Now, granted working a minimum wage job at a fast food restaurant is not the most glorious or life-changing of careers, but i responded, without really even pausing to reflect (what's new... I’m still trying to extract one foot before i put the next one in) "no... I kinda like where I’m at". For SURE, I do NOT want to spend my whole life working at A&W, but i can say with perfect sincerity that I really don't hate it or even really dislike it. Even though i start work at 6am (bah... 6 hours of sleeping time left... i better hurry up) I get to be my own boss for 4 hours, and pretty much get to be responsible without every problem in the restaurant being mine. I also don't have to work in the kitchen and I get a regular shift, which allows me to live the rest of my life. I couldn't have asked for a better set up... 6 - 2pm means i get to work at McNab and impact those kids while still being busy every night doing what i want to do. Really, all i can say is "thank you God".... there is no question of his goodness (even tho' I’m SO TIRED I can barely keep my eyes open). So do i care that i'm going to be working min. wage at the counter at A&W for the next 8 months? Not really. Even tho' it makes me feel like a loser to tell people what i do, i don't care whether or not they concur.
In other news.... I failed out of clown school today. Well, sorta. I didn't go to the first class, so I didn't get one of the cool little certificates with the bubbles and smiley face stickers. :( Who fails out of clown school? On the plus side, somehow I never paid for it either. SO it seems we're even! I'm just kidding - really, I’m super nervous, but I can't wait to get out there and start clowning!! I've got this scary costume in mind, just have to get it together, fill out the mountains of paperwork and start making new friends! (for those of you who care... the fusia wranglers are an expression of "the other side" that we're meant to explore in our personalities. Its really quite an interesting experience trying to embrace everything you've rejected from your personality. You should try it some day) The most frustrating part of clowning so far is definitely the make up. GRRRRR. How do you make your mouth look like its perpetually smiling without looking like a psycho? I need to do some work on that one I think.
It does sorta make me smile that we put so much weight on little pieces of paper with bubbles and stickers... but isn't most of life like that?? There are a prescribed set of expectations and rules that we're expected to play by, and if we don't, then we're made to feel like failures. Post secondary education was kinda like that for me. There was never any question in my mind that i was going to go to Uni... now look at me 4 years later and working at A&W! To be fair to my self, I loved school, and I can't wait to go back! (ah, how perspectives change... rosy glasses and all that.) But it definitely was in the time line. Next comes career, marriage and kids. HOW SCARY…. I don’t feel grown up enough to cope with all of that, but like a good little conformist, I feel like i should get prepared to face a life that's "inevitably" (and hopefully!) mine.
I am ignorant and naïve. I realize this over and over, but unfortunately, being the vicious cycle it is, I feel powerless to stop it. People do and say things all the time and I assume I know what they’re talking about and feeling and carry on doing whatever, only to be brought up short again and AGAIN AND AGAIN. Grrr.
Having said all that, I really loved Mike’s blog < http://theidiom.blogspot.com/ > I know exactly what he means about feeling completely like you’re wearing masks for ever occasion, but nobody (even the people you love most) really knows who you are underneath, and for the most part that doesn’t seem to really bother them. This leaves the interesting solution: be stalker-like in your knowledge of everybody else and their ignorance of you, or let them see the “real” you (which has the potential to scare them even more). Unfortunately, this is a lot harder and involves a lot more personal commitment than I really like. It means being real all of the time! If that isn’t scary to you, then you’re obviously a lot more of an extrovert than me. (it really amuses me that my most prominent mask is that of an extrovert… so really everything I say and do, etc is really just me playing a part to make people feel comfortable. I know this. But on the other hand isn’t play acting a part of personality too??? WOW > I’m tired and this seems like concentric circles spiralling down the plug hole (to the left of course)).
Life is hard to understand some days, but I’m still holding out for the plan to live each day to the full. Sometimes they just fly by me, and I realize that I’ve done nothing worth writing down in my journal… except talked to all different people for 16 hours. What potential if I decide to use it.
But in order to be functional for 5:10 tomorrow, I should get some sleep and stop rambling.
Over and out.
It occurred to me today that i have to stop caring so much about other people's opinions. (I know that it is a pretty standard and even stupid realization... but somtimes these things have to be fully absorbed.) I fully embrace my failings where it comes to being a people pleaser (and thus, pretty much a push over), but it doesn't mean that i should adjust everything i think or feel just because it doesn't line up with popular public opinion, even of people that i really respect. For instance: today somebody at work asked me if i would be in management. Now, granted working a minimum wage job at a fast food restaurant is not the most glorious or life-changing of careers, but i responded, without really even pausing to reflect (what's new... I’m still trying to extract one foot before i put the next one in) "no... I kinda like where I’m at". For SURE, I do NOT want to spend my whole life working at A&W, but i can say with perfect sincerity that I really don't hate it or even really dislike it. Even though i start work at 6am (bah... 6 hours of sleeping time left... i better hurry up) I get to be my own boss for 4 hours, and pretty much get to be responsible without every problem in the restaurant being mine. I also don't have to work in the kitchen and I get a regular shift, which allows me to live the rest of my life. I couldn't have asked for a better set up... 6 - 2pm means i get to work at McNab and impact those kids while still being busy every night doing what i want to do. Really, all i can say is "thank you God".... there is no question of his goodness (even tho' I’m SO TIRED I can barely keep my eyes open). So do i care that i'm going to be working min. wage at the counter at A&W for the next 8 months? Not really. Even tho' it makes me feel like a loser to tell people what i do, i don't care whether or not they concur.
In other news.... I failed out of clown school today. Well, sorta. I didn't go to the first class, so I didn't get one of the cool little certificates with the bubbles and smiley face stickers. :( Who fails out of clown school? On the plus side, somehow I never paid for it either. SO it seems we're even! I'm just kidding - really, I’m super nervous, but I can't wait to get out there and start clowning!! I've got this scary costume in mind, just have to get it together, fill out the mountains of paperwork and start making new friends! (for those of you who care... the fusia wranglers are an expression of "the other side" that we're meant to explore in our personalities. Its really quite an interesting experience trying to embrace everything you've rejected from your personality. You should try it some day) The most frustrating part of clowning so far is definitely the make up. GRRRRR. How do you make your mouth look like its perpetually smiling without looking like a psycho? I need to do some work on that one I think.
It does sorta make me smile that we put so much weight on little pieces of paper with bubbles and stickers... but isn't most of life like that?? There are a prescribed set of expectations and rules that we're expected to play by, and if we don't, then we're made to feel like failures. Post secondary education was kinda like that for me. There was never any question in my mind that i was going to go to Uni... now look at me 4 years later and working at A&W! To be fair to my self, I loved school, and I can't wait to go back! (ah, how perspectives change... rosy glasses and all that.) But it definitely was in the time line. Next comes career, marriage and kids. HOW SCARY…. I don’t feel grown up enough to cope with all of that, but like a good little conformist, I feel like i should get prepared to face a life that's "inevitably" (and hopefully!) mine.
I am ignorant and naïve. I realize this over and over, but unfortunately, being the vicious cycle it is, I feel powerless to stop it. People do and say things all the time and I assume I know what they’re talking about and feeling and carry on doing whatever, only to be brought up short again and AGAIN AND AGAIN. Grrr.
Having said all that, I really loved Mike’s blog < http://theidiom.blogspot.com/ > I know exactly what he means about feeling completely like you’re wearing masks for ever occasion, but nobody (even the people you love most) really knows who you are underneath, and for the most part that doesn’t seem to really bother them. This leaves the interesting solution: be stalker-like in your knowledge of everybody else and their ignorance of you, or let them see the “real” you (which has the potential to scare them even more). Unfortunately, this is a lot harder and involves a lot more personal commitment than I really like. It means being real all of the time! If that isn’t scary to you, then you’re obviously a lot more of an extrovert than me. (it really amuses me that my most prominent mask is that of an extrovert… so really everything I say and do, etc is really just me playing a part to make people feel comfortable. I know this. But on the other hand isn’t play acting a part of personality too??? WOW > I’m tired and this seems like concentric circles spiralling down the plug hole (to the left of course)).
Life is hard to understand some days, but I’m still holding out for the plan to live each day to the full. Sometimes they just fly by me, and I realize that I’ve done nothing worth writing down in my journal… except talked to all different people for 16 hours. What potential if I decide to use it.
But in order to be functional for 5:10 tomorrow, I should get some sleep and stop rambling.
Over and out.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
It WAS a fad
well yes, we all knew this day would come when it would become a fad to kill off your blog and move into the next technological blizzard.
Hmm, really wish i remembered what i wanted to blog about.. oh well.
On a slightly more theological note, i was thinking how easily we get ourselves into trouble. Take David for instance. He screwed up (and screwed Bathsheba) causing disasterous results for her husband, social standing and life in general (i mean she had to marry the guy, live with his multiple other wives and continue sleeping with him after her husband's just been killed). So he makes this one mistake of sleeping with her and then he has to fix it, getting deeper and deeper into trouble and feeling cornered. Sucks cos it seems like such an easy trap to fall into.
The other thing i was thinking of, since it relates directly to David's affair with Bathsheba, is Psalm 51.. where he talks 'bout being washed as white as snow... and linking that with phil's msn sign in - snow covers all imperfections. We ask for forgiveness and not only does it get covered up.. we get to start all over again! Imagine the possibilities. What a graceful God.
Last thought of the night - shouldn't assume i understand kids, they always surprise me.
Last last thought - Friends make life worthwhile. TBT (to be treasured)
into the night i go...
car
Hmm, really wish i remembered what i wanted to blog about.. oh well.
On a slightly more theological note, i was thinking how easily we get ourselves into trouble. Take David for instance. He screwed up (and screwed Bathsheba) causing disasterous results for her husband, social standing and life in general (i mean she had to marry the guy, live with his multiple other wives and continue sleeping with him after her husband's just been killed). So he makes this one mistake of sleeping with her and then he has to fix it, getting deeper and deeper into trouble and feeling cornered. Sucks cos it seems like such an easy trap to fall into.
The other thing i was thinking of, since it relates directly to David's affair with Bathsheba, is Psalm 51.. where he talks 'bout being washed as white as snow... and linking that with phil's msn sign in - snow covers all imperfections. We ask for forgiveness and not only does it get covered up.. we get to start all over again! Imagine the possibilities. What a graceful God.
Last thought of the night - shouldn't assume i understand kids, they always surprise me.
Last last thought - Friends make life worthwhile. TBT (to be treasured)
into the night i go...
car
Friday, October 15, 2004
Dutch courage...
its interesting to me to see how awkward life gets... somehow it just creeps up on you, until one day you can't figure out what went irrevocably wrong. i hate how strange real life is somedays. Take camp people for instance. We have lived together, worked together, argued with each other, played pranks on each other, ignored each other, gossiped, teased, learnt new stuff, faced old fears and grown together.... but when we see each other in the shopping mall, all we can do is say "wazzup" and look desperately for some sort of escape. I think somehow its all related to Matt & Lisa's little debate about honesty in blogging. I agree with Lisa that nobody wants to expose the real and sometimes ugly side of our personality... its just human nature to want everybody to think the best of us, but what starts to make us anxious is the people that have discovered who the "real me" is... makes me really vulnerable, very nervous and completely unable to figure out how to deal with those people in real life. I figure friendships and relationships are much the same. You go along your merry way, assured of friendships that are so great that you don’t have to even think about how you got there or where you’re going, then one day you find that you are too nervous to even msn the person cos you don’t know where they’re coming from or why everything is so weird.
SO… my new resolution: honest, adult conversation.
Easier said than done from somebody who is completely terrified of emotion. (I’ll admit it!) I can deal with anybody else’s feelings pretty well, but (like every other human being I suppose) I really don’t like to put it all out there. Mostly, I think I’m afraid people will be bored or simply not care about my petty issues. Or i assume that i'm reading more into a situation than the other person even cares about. But no more pussy footing around. One honest conversation was enough to convince me that its completely worth the awkwardness. To think I was risking a close friend on my lack of self confidence.
Well, that’s me, over and out. Hope I don’t make too many people completely uncomfortable with the deep conversations I am about to embark upon.
Wish me luck
~ cat
SO… my new resolution: honest, adult conversation.
Easier said than done from somebody who is completely terrified of emotion. (I’ll admit it!) I can deal with anybody else’s feelings pretty well, but (like every other human being I suppose) I really don’t like to put it all out there. Mostly, I think I’m afraid people will be bored or simply not care about my petty issues. Or i assume that i'm reading more into a situation than the other person even cares about. But no more pussy footing around. One honest conversation was enough to convince me that its completely worth the awkwardness. To think I was risking a close friend on my lack of self confidence.
Well, that’s me, over and out. Hope I don’t make too many people completely uncomfortable with the deep conversations I am about to embark upon.
Wish me luck
~ cat
Saturday, October 09, 2004
bohemian feminist... truth, love and freedom
hmmm, just got an interesting email link to a feminist article (http://www.boundless.org/regulars/kaufman/a0000947.html)and i thought that i should at least respond to it as someone who always responds to sexist coments is compelled to do...: i agree fully.
Seriously, i would not consider myself anything less than a feminist in that i expect equal opportunities to be given to men and women of the same calibre. I do however feel strongly about the issue of ability. Women and Men are created differently with different thought patterns, emotions and physicality. Nobody in their right minds would contest that point i don't think. This means that women and men are able to do different things better.... ie: should women be firefighters and police(wo)men? DEFINATELY. IF they are able to do the job as well as their male counterparts. Seriously... how would you feel trapped in a burning building if the female firefighter couldn't do anything her male partners could do because she simply doesn't have the physical strength??? I think i would be pretty disapointed as my house fell in around me and my hair caught on fire. Its like saying to a preschool teacher that they should design and build a bridge, simply because they are interested in civil engineering and have vast experience with Lego. Of course, they have the choice and possibly the ability, but i would like them to be able to prove themselves in a civil engineering exam before i drive over their bridge, adn if they can't pass the exam, i don't want them in that position. its not discriminatory... its common sense!
The whole thing with being created differently leads to different desires and expectations from life. Most people of both genders expect to someday be married/ find a partner with whom to share their lives, and most plan homes and jobs and kids with that. Biologically women are obviously given the choice to reproduce, and even though it sometimes comes at the sacrifice of career or other things in life, pregnancy in itself is a choice.
SO we continue to throw around the catch phrase of the century "CHOICE". it really is a foundation of feminism, and as Matt Kaufman points out - choice means the opportunity to do one of many options. Feminists knock stay-at-home moms for not getting out there to work.... maybe they haven't considered that what Susan B Anthony, Emily Murphy and co were fighting for wasn't to go out and work or go and take over politics or anything like that, but simply to be equals in society. They were really fighting for abolition and temperance and the right to vote, along with other social issues that were affecting women's opportunities to live in equality with men. I mean it was a big deal when Emily Murphy won the battle in 1929,to have England’s Privy Council declared that the term ‘person’ must include women. In my postfeminist view on the world i expect that women and men be given the same chance to opportunities, and may the best qualified and suitable person win. Women do have the chance to get out there and work if they want to, but they are also given the most wonderful opportunity to stay at home with their kids. Now, i'm not advocating for or agianst stay at home moms - i definately want my career to make a difference in the world... but i do think that we're privileged in our society to have the option to stay home if we want it. A year of mat leave? For either parent? REVOLUTIONARY CHOICE FOR BOTH GENDERS! The only difference is that the woman usually gets to use that time to be with her child while her partner has to get out there and make the cash. Who said life was fair? Pain of childbirth vs never being able to give birth yourself? I don't know, pretty powerful. It must feel like you're being excluded from a private mother-child party some days as a dad.
As for not contributing to society... i'm 100% with kaufman on this one... isn't raising children a vital contribution to society? Children will learn what they are taught, and if they're taught that their parent chose to stay at home with them, even at financial loss to her/himself, is that not the most powerful lesson on CHOICE and freedom and love?
Going back to my origional and somewhat sidetracked point about God creating women and men differently, is that God has given women the instict to want to concieve, give birth and create a home for her children, and he has given men the instinct to want to provide for his family. This doesn't mean that they are confining roles - i know some stay at home dads who have raised incredible children and who have seized the opportunity while their wives have chosen to go to work. Either way though, both parents have made the choice, and just as in the work place - may the best parent "win" the chance to be at work or with their kids.
i have so much more to say and think about this topic, but i need to sleep and consider some more. Maybe tomorrow will bring some new insight.
For now... dreamland awaits.
Seriously, i would not consider myself anything less than a feminist in that i expect equal opportunities to be given to men and women of the same calibre. I do however feel strongly about the issue of ability. Women and Men are created differently with different thought patterns, emotions and physicality. Nobody in their right minds would contest that point i don't think. This means that women and men are able to do different things better.... ie: should women be firefighters and police(wo)men? DEFINATELY. IF they are able to do the job as well as their male counterparts. Seriously... how would you feel trapped in a burning building if the female firefighter couldn't do anything her male partners could do because she simply doesn't have the physical strength??? I think i would be pretty disapointed as my house fell in around me and my hair caught on fire. Its like saying to a preschool teacher that they should design and build a bridge, simply because they are interested in civil engineering and have vast experience with Lego. Of course, they have the choice and possibly the ability, but i would like them to be able to prove themselves in a civil engineering exam before i drive over their bridge, adn if they can't pass the exam, i don't want them in that position. its not discriminatory... its common sense!
The whole thing with being created differently leads to different desires and expectations from life. Most people of both genders expect to someday be married/ find a partner with whom to share their lives, and most plan homes and jobs and kids with that. Biologically women are obviously given the choice to reproduce, and even though it sometimes comes at the sacrifice of career or other things in life, pregnancy in itself is a choice.
SO we continue to throw around the catch phrase of the century "CHOICE". it really is a foundation of feminism, and as Matt Kaufman points out - choice means the opportunity to do one of many options. Feminists knock stay-at-home moms for not getting out there to work.... maybe they haven't considered that what Susan B Anthony, Emily Murphy and co were fighting for wasn't to go out and work or go and take over politics or anything like that, but simply to be equals in society. They were really fighting for abolition and temperance and the right to vote, along with other social issues that were affecting women's opportunities to live in equality with men. I mean it was a big deal when Emily Murphy won the battle in 1929,to have England’s Privy Council declared that the term ‘person’ must include women. In my postfeminist view on the world i expect that women and men be given the same chance to opportunities, and may the best qualified and suitable person win. Women do have the chance to get out there and work if they want to, but they are also given the most wonderful opportunity to stay at home with their kids. Now, i'm not advocating for or agianst stay at home moms - i definately want my career to make a difference in the world... but i do think that we're privileged in our society to have the option to stay home if we want it. A year of mat leave? For either parent? REVOLUTIONARY CHOICE FOR BOTH GENDERS! The only difference is that the woman usually gets to use that time to be with her child while her partner has to get out there and make the cash. Who said life was fair? Pain of childbirth vs never being able to give birth yourself? I don't know, pretty powerful. It must feel like you're being excluded from a private mother-child party some days as a dad.
As for not contributing to society... i'm 100% with kaufman on this one... isn't raising children a vital contribution to society? Children will learn what they are taught, and if they're taught that their parent chose to stay at home with them, even at financial loss to her/himself, is that not the most powerful lesson on CHOICE and freedom and love?
Going back to my origional and somewhat sidetracked point about God creating women and men differently, is that God has given women the instict to want to concieve, give birth and create a home for her children, and he has given men the instinct to want to provide for his family. This doesn't mean that they are confining roles - i know some stay at home dads who have raised incredible children and who have seized the opportunity while their wives have chosen to go to work. Either way though, both parents have made the choice, and just as in the work place - may the best parent "win" the chance to be at work or with their kids.
i have so much more to say and think about this topic, but i need to sleep and consider some more. Maybe tomorrow will bring some new insight.
For now... dreamland awaits.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Randomness and conclusions
i'm glad i put the "i don't think i'm going to be a very consistant blogger" disclaimer in my first blog... its 4 months to the day since my last entry, and i was seriously considering letting this site die completely. HOWEVER, i still like the idea of putting random ideas out there in cyber space, whether or not anybody reads them is kinda irrelevant. But, i am determined to not let this become a "i did this today" type journal entry, which it looked like it was going to become when i got bored of it in the first place. SO LET THE RANDOMNESS BEGIN...
Just got home from camp today, (again) and realized that i do not spend enough time with myself. That seems like a completly mundane observation, but really, there is nothing like 10 days of introspection to drive you to thte point of having to actually get to know yourself. In some ways i feel like i have no real personality... i just check in with the rest of society every now and again and adjust my opinion accordingly... not that i always agree, but i never seem to feel strongly about anything originally. I don't know if that's a bad thing (does somebody want to let me know so i can build my world view around them?), actually i think its really just a symptom of not caring. REALLY tho', back to my point about not knowing yourself, i think its completely possible to avoid understanding who we really are, and what makes up our likes, dislikes and interests. Camp at the best of times can be quite lonely, even with 130 other people running around, but being up there for 10 days with 3 fairly introverted people for company really showed me that i don't really like spending time in my own company. (proof: I watched Moulin Rouge 5 times in 4 days. I mean its good, but...?) I think its why i keep myself perpetually busy with friends and school and church and everything else i get involved in. I move so fast from thing to thing i hardly spend time savouring each moment.
Conclusion to this journey of self discovery:
I like musicals that i can sing loudly to.
I like to escape to somebody else's reality and escape my own mind.
I want to have some sort of fairy tale romance and marry prince charming "come what may".
I don't like broccoli.
I kinda like cooking, esp when somebody else is in charge.
I like puzzles.
I love sunrises and i like taking pictures of them, even tho' i suck at photography.
I like photography.
I like washing dishes, hot water and soap all the way.
Lonely people don't really care if they know you at all before they tell you their sad stories, and mostly they don't really care if you think anything about their situation. They just need to talk. Old people have facinating lives and stories.
I am not patient.
I am scared of bears and cougars.
I have a very sad life which revolves alot around my computer.... recieving 56 new emails and only 1 phone call should indicate something.
Perfectionists annoy me. People who do half ass jobs annoy me.
I am bad at dealing with finances.
I don't like responsibility, but i can't stop people giving it to me.
I hate making major life decisions and watch movies (or anything really) instead of thinking.
I really like talking afternoon naps in the sunshine.
Appearances don't really matter when it comes to love. They are a good interest factor, but i really don't care.
Friends are precious and should be cherished. (that means dedicating 100% to them when i'm with them, not trying to be everything to everybody).
I can't be everything to everybody.
The world will continue really well without me.
My friends like me for who i am, not what i can do for them.
The ones who care want to know all the small details of mundane life.
Friendship is often a very onesided thing and figuring out that you know every detail of somebody's life and that they hardly notice when you're around (or not) is pretty depressing.
Major revelation: if i give up on friendships they will die, and the other person will honestly not be able to fix it because it is all in my head!
I like to play outside and run around, but i like to be a lazy couch potatoe too.
Making life timelines is a silly idea. I want to live life to the full and experience it all. Carpe Diem.
I want to marry my best friend.
I don't care if i date one guy or a thousand before i get married.
i want to have children, but definately not for a long while.
I am a people pleaser and suck at saying no to things.
I suck at loving God. I am really self centered and will do just about anything to avoid contemplating my own mortal fallibility and STUPIDITY! Especially in relation to His perfect wisdom and knowledge.
I do many unexplainable stupid things. It's a mystery even to myself.
I am competitive and have to compete with myself to keep me motivated. Good thing about the stupidity. I can convince me to do just about anything.
Pretty conclusive thinking for somebody who doesn't like to think about anything real in my head.
Well, enough with that for now, more to follow if i feel the need for more self definition. Thank you God for your "special" plan of unemployment. Guess i'm getting the time i need to evaluate where i'm going in life...
- car
Just got home from camp today, (again) and realized that i do not spend enough time with myself. That seems like a completly mundane observation, but really, there is nothing like 10 days of introspection to drive you to thte point of having to actually get to know yourself. In some ways i feel like i have no real personality... i just check in with the rest of society every now and again and adjust my opinion accordingly... not that i always agree, but i never seem to feel strongly about anything originally. I don't know if that's a bad thing (does somebody want to let me know so i can build my world view around them?), actually i think its really just a symptom of not caring. REALLY tho', back to my point about not knowing yourself, i think its completely possible to avoid understanding who we really are, and what makes up our likes, dislikes and interests. Camp at the best of times can be quite lonely, even with 130 other people running around, but being up there for 10 days with 3 fairly introverted people for company really showed me that i don't really like spending time in my own company. (proof: I watched Moulin Rouge 5 times in 4 days. I mean its good, but...?) I think its why i keep myself perpetually busy with friends and school and church and everything else i get involved in. I move so fast from thing to thing i hardly spend time savouring each moment.
Conclusion to this journey of self discovery:
I like musicals that i can sing loudly to.
I like to escape to somebody else's reality and escape my own mind.
I want to have some sort of fairy tale romance and marry prince charming "come what may".
I don't like broccoli.
I kinda like cooking, esp when somebody else is in charge.
I like puzzles.
I love sunrises and i like taking pictures of them, even tho' i suck at photography.
I like photography.
I like washing dishes, hot water and soap all the way.
Lonely people don't really care if they know you at all before they tell you their sad stories, and mostly they don't really care if you think anything about their situation. They just need to talk. Old people have facinating lives and stories.
I am not patient.
I am scared of bears and cougars.
I have a very sad life which revolves alot around my computer.... recieving 56 new emails and only 1 phone call should indicate something.
Perfectionists annoy me. People who do half ass jobs annoy me.
I am bad at dealing with finances.
I don't like responsibility, but i can't stop people giving it to me.
I hate making major life decisions and watch movies (or anything really) instead of thinking.
I really like talking afternoon naps in the sunshine.
Appearances don't really matter when it comes to love. They are a good interest factor, but i really don't care.
Friends are precious and should be cherished. (that means dedicating 100% to them when i'm with them, not trying to be everything to everybody).
I can't be everything to everybody.
The world will continue really well without me.
My friends like me for who i am, not what i can do for them.
The ones who care want to know all the small details of mundane life.
Friendship is often a very onesided thing and figuring out that you know every detail of somebody's life and that they hardly notice when you're around (or not) is pretty depressing.
Major revelation: if i give up on friendships they will die, and the other person will honestly not be able to fix it because it is all in my head!
I like to play outside and run around, but i like to be a lazy couch potatoe too.
Making life timelines is a silly idea. I want to live life to the full and experience it all. Carpe Diem.
I want to marry my best friend.
I don't care if i date one guy or a thousand before i get married.
i want to have children, but definately not for a long while.
I am a people pleaser and suck at saying no to things.
I suck at loving God. I am really self centered and will do just about anything to avoid contemplating my own mortal fallibility and STUPIDITY! Especially in relation to His perfect wisdom and knowledge.
I do many unexplainable stupid things. It's a mystery even to myself.
I am competitive and have to compete with myself to keep me motivated. Good thing about the stupidity. I can convince me to do just about anything.
Pretty conclusive thinking for somebody who doesn't like to think about anything real in my head.
Well, enough with that for now, more to follow if i feel the need for more self definition. Thank you God for your "special" plan of unemployment. Guess i'm getting the time i need to evaluate where i'm going in life...
- car
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Jemima
Its crazy - that time of year has finally rolled around... I go up to camp on Monday morning with BM... its really terrifying, i don't feel prepared at all. I just have to keep reminding myself that i was at this spot last year and it was all fine, so i guess i just need to trust God for a bit (or a lot!) of inspiration. I am looking forward to being up there with some really great people, and i think its going to be be a great summer, but its really hard leaving everybody behind here. I feel super lucky to have the amazing friends that i have here... (sniff, sniff, soppy moment) At least i have my trusty cell. people are starting to call me james... going to have to keep that under control..
So i've finally decided on a name for my car, after owning her for 2 unispired years. "jemima" seems to be a fully excellent name for a strong black woman like her, so Jemima it is. I'm hoping that she lives up to her name and keeps chuffing for a long time still- especially this summer up at camp...
Decided that i needed a new and funky hairstyle for the summer... need a cut desparately, but went with dye for now... I'm orange now :) haha - and to think i've laughted at colour faux pas!! ah well, i guess "fun" is definatly what it is!
I'm gonna head to bed now, as soon as i get off the phone with JW - i've had such amazing communications with her this week, like 6hrs in the last 5 days... its amazing!!! i better keep this up, even if its under rather unhappy circumstances...
Gonna go say "bye" to Rebecca at the airport tomorrow at 5am (uggg) - then planning to go have b-fast afterwards... don't know if i'm gonna wake up in time! or be the least bit friendly... better get some sleep.
shalom...
~ Carie
So i've finally decided on a name for my car, after owning her for 2 unispired years. "jemima" seems to be a fully excellent name for a strong black woman like her, so Jemima it is. I'm hoping that she lives up to her name and keeps chuffing for a long time still- especially this summer up at camp...
Decided that i needed a new and funky hairstyle for the summer... need a cut desparately, but went with dye for now... I'm orange now :) haha - and to think i've laughted at colour faux pas!! ah well, i guess "fun" is definatly what it is!
I'm gonna head to bed now, as soon as i get off the phone with JW - i've had such amazing communications with her this week, like 6hrs in the last 5 days... its amazing!!! i better keep this up, even if its under rather unhappy circumstances...
Gonna go say "bye" to Rebecca at the airport tomorrow at 5am (uggg) - then planning to go have b-fast afterwards... don't know if i'm gonna wake up in time! or be the least bit friendly... better get some sleep.
shalom...
~ Carie
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
BINGO BUZZ
So i'm in the process of working off my speeding ticket, and i had an epiphany about what it really means to be part of the family of God. It was me and 6 senior citizens working, and i discovered that they are from a little church about 1/2 hr north of the city. They were volunteering at the bingo hall to raise money for their church, but they went out of their way to make me feel loved. it was the most crazy thing. I don't know them at all, but the 6 of them made me see some of my frienships with people in the church in 50 years - its quite exciting! They are a group of wild an crazy 55- 75's who are going out for supper now (12:45 am! - sound familiar ?!?!) They know practically nothing about me, but they made the biggest effort to thank me and commend me for any little thing i did, and i actually wanted to go hang with them! SO WIERD.
Its strange - i think i've actually enjoyed doing community service at the Bingo hall! its fun being with completely different people and seeing how they live their lives, and its equally fun having them touch mine!
So now that that ramble is over, here goes another.
I really don't understand what God is doing a lot of the time. I think i've figured out life, and everything finally seems to be going in the direction i saw coming and then everything changes and i can't make my eyes focus properly on the different scenery. The one thing i do know tho, is God is good. it always takes me a bit of time and a lot of hind sight to figure it out, and usually a lot of tears and frustration, but God is good, even in his "special" way.
Our Bible study group has decided to Study James, and lo and behold, the first 5 verses:
Trials and Temptations
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Thank goodness God is in control - i'm glad i can just ask, cos most of the time i lack ALL wisdom, and don't even know what to think or say. On the other hand - how have i escaped so much pain and suffering? When i look at people my own age and younger, i'm blown away by how lucky i am...
SO i think i'm done now...
in his grip.
c
Its strange - i think i've actually enjoyed doing community service at the Bingo hall! its fun being with completely different people and seeing how they live their lives, and its equally fun having them touch mine!
So now that that ramble is over, here goes another.
I really don't understand what God is doing a lot of the time. I think i've figured out life, and everything finally seems to be going in the direction i saw coming and then everything changes and i can't make my eyes focus properly on the different scenery. The one thing i do know tho, is God is good. it always takes me a bit of time and a lot of hind sight to figure it out, and usually a lot of tears and frustration, but God is good, even in his "special" way.
Our Bible study group has decided to Study James, and lo and behold, the first 5 verses:
Trials and Temptations
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Thank goodness God is in control - i'm glad i can just ask, cos most of the time i lack ALL wisdom, and don't even know what to think or say. On the other hand - how have i escaped so much pain and suffering? When i look at people my own age and younger, i'm blown away by how lucky i am...
SO i think i'm done now...
in his grip.
c
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