I do still exist! Online at least!

Man, it sure has been a while. I am glad to report that this post is not born out of sheer pain and suffering, as is often the trend with my blogging, but is instead born out of desire to avoid marking :)

I was going through boxes of papers and books that I have collected over the years and I was thinking of all the people who i have spent so many random hours with, building programs, reading books and formulating new ideas. I feel sad that I have let those people somehow dissapear from my life, and I think that I need to start making a concerted effort to retrieve those people. Its not that I like them any less, but it is a concern that it will be "awkward" or that I will not know how to behave. This calls for some determination on my part to get over that, but is life meant to be lived in a series of moments? Or are we meant to hang on (come hell or high water) to what we have cherished? Or are we simply meant to live in the glow of what was a happy day at some point and let it go at that? I'm not sure. But I am going to try pick up on lost moments every now and again... what is the worst that could happen?? Disillusionment? I could probably recover.

Somebody sent me this song.. I think its beautiful. Its official. A new chapter in my life has began sans IDS. I know i have moved on because I am truly fine. In fact I am even happy. Didn't know if that would ever happen, as i hid under my blankets...but it has.
Here's to a future going in a direction i hadn't anticipated.

LAMB - GORECKI

If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
Still in my heart this moment
Or it might burst
Could we stay right here
Until the end of time until the earth stops turning
Wanna love you until the seas run dry
I've found the one Ive waited for

All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
Wanna stay right here
Until the end of time
til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you until the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

The one I've waited for

All I've known
All I've done
All I've felt was leading to this
All I've known
All I've done
All I've felt was leading to this
Wanna stay right here
til the end of time till the earth stops turning
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for
The one I've waited for
The one I've waited for

Wanna stay right here
til the end of time till the earth stops turning
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for
The one I've waited for
The one I've waited for

It ends tonight.

Music Video:IT ENDS TONIGHT (by The All-American Rejects)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

- "it ends tonight" The All-American Rejects

Wow, life is crazy and circular. Here I am almost 1 year after my last post, and my life is ironically the same! The post below, entitled "WeaknessRus" is right where i am all over again. I have to say though, as much as life seems to be where i left you last, it has been a great year, and i have no regrets. I guess i should say that i am here in the same spot emotionally, but in the mean time, i have become a grown up!

This is my year in review:
1. graduated from Education with a distinction!
2. worked for the City in playgrounds
3. went to Rochelle and Ander's wedding
4. moved in with Leah
5. Got back together with Indy
6. Subbed for 3 days in a k-6 classroom
7. Subbed the next 8 months in a 7-12 classroom (talk about shift in tactics!)
8. moved to Eston
9. moved out of Leah's house and back in with parents
10. Bribed AJ to come join me in Eston
11. Signed a permanant contract for elementary school for 2008-09
12. Bought a house!
13. Broke up with Indy
14. Hired to work for the City again for the summer

So, we'll see what exciting new things this year brings. Hopefully the posting will be a little more regular with my very own internet in my very own home :)

happy Canada Day

This has been such a good relaxing weekend - went swimming on Friday night with Anna, Evan and Vangie, and then watched a ridiculous girl movie (sans Evan.) Saturday was sleep in until 1pm! (yay for days when you thought you had to work but didn't!!!) then errands and Ruckers for some good ol' beat that crocodile fun! Although the lemon tried to bite her, anna's lemon marangue pie was something to marvel over. Came back home for a fire, but the mozzies were out to get us, so chilled inside and just chatted with Anna & J. J& I decided to check out the Flying J - big mistake on my part... the burger was YUMMY... but i came home at 3am WIDE AWAKE. So i watched "Water" - possible the best foreign film i have seen (other than "Life is beautiful" and "Amelie")... it is amazing and sad and beautiful all at the same time.
the 5am bedtime didn't bode so well for work this morning... but hey - a bit of caffeine and we're set. It really wasn't that busy anyway.
This evening was the Bezopalooza... surprisingly quite fun! I had a really good evening catching up with a variety of people i havent' seen in forever. surprising how your world can somehow shrink until you can't see anybody but the people in your immediate vacinity, until one day you surface and realize that everybody else is still there, its just a matter of focussing the vision finder.
Anyway, now that i'm worked, fed and fireworked, it is 1:21 and i am ready for bed.. got to be fresh for my big first day tomorrow at the park!

till later,
C

I'd never even heard of these guys, but i caught this song on the radio and liked it...

Music Video:SECOND CHANCE (by Faber Drive)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

weakness r us

weak in the knees
serena ryder

Would you mind if I pretended we were somewhere else
doin' somethin' we wanted to
cause all this livin' makes me want do is die
cause i can't live with you
you don't even care

Would you mind if I pretended
I was someone else
with courage in love and war
I used to think thats what I was
but now this lying hurts too much
and I don't know what for

I'm weak in the knees for you
but I'll stand if you want me to
my legs are strong and I'll move on
but hunny i'm weak in the knees

Would you mind if I walked over
and I kissed your face
infront of all of your friends
would you mind if i got drunk and said,
"I wanna take you home to bed"
oh would you change your mind?

I'm weak in the knees for you
but I'll stand if you want me to
my legs are strong and I'll move on
but hunny I'm weak in the knees
for you


Leave The Pieces
Jennifer Hanson & Billy Austin

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as you're gone

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

© 2005 Sony Music Publishing / Warner Chappell

why do all good things come to an end?

Music Video:ALL GOOD THINGS (by Nelly Furtado)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

so i guess i'm not that good at breaking up. in fact i think i suck at it. i'm like a freaking wet sponge. life is so complicated. i wish i could escape while not letting anything go. how does that work??? and how long does this take? Its been 7 weeks already. Having said all that, i'm too stupid and stuborn to pack up and leave for a while. my best friend is more precious than anything and i can't let that fall apart. ug. life sucks somedays.

i'm fine. really.

more random stuff about me...

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope - share my mom's name is my second name tho'.. my mom wanted to name me lorrie if i was a boy.. my dad objected. So its a good thing i was a girl - who knows WHAT i'd have been called other wise!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
7 hours ago

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes – it was better in high school.. damn computer has ruined my writing skills.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
mmm - salami

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No. well - i take care of them all the time... so not biologically. but kinda, yes.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
of course!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
me?... noooooo....

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope - they whipped them out 2 days after my sister was born. Guess my mom couldn't deal with 2 wailing kids.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
YUP - have done!! Off the Bloukraans Bridge... i'd recommend it... crazyest 5 seconds of your entire life!!! Check out the highest commercial bungee in the world!!! http://www.faceadrenalin.com/


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
ummm. don't really eat it.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Sometimes - drives my mom NUTS!

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
yup.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
ROLO!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
their confidence level

15. RED OR PINK?
neither. maybe pink MARGINALLY more.

16. WHAT IS the least favorite thing about yourself?
ummm - eyes i think. Except it would be nice if they worked better~!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST
My bestest best friends

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
decided to go the blog route - that way the people that care can read this... read on faithful fans!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
jeans and no socks.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
mmm - just shared my little kid's rice crispies... didn't get time for brekkies this morning.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW
"Cars" movie

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
freshly cut grass

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
my boss

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
sez rocks.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
one day cricket

28. EYE COLOR?
blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTActs
used to... ran out of money. so now i'm back to glasses (until i get less broke)

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
pasta

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
watched "deja vu" yesterday - surprisingly good. (**not FANTASTIC** but good enough)

33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Bright pink that says "i love nerds" - my only article of pink clothing!!

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
I'm a summer baby all the way through

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
both? hugs are universally nice. but i really like kisses!

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
cheese cake

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
meh-

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND
whatevs

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
in between books actually. NO MORE STUDYING FOR ME EVER~!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
its just blue

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?
nothing

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
don't know...

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
don't really listen to either. a little before my time.

44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Canada or South Africa... guess depends which "home" we're talking about here...

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
i can touch my nose with my tongue.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
PMB

poetry mood

LITTLE GIDDING
(No. 4 of 'Four Quartets')
T.S. Eliot

V
What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from. And every phrase
And sentence that is right (where every word is at home,
Taking its place to support the others,
The word neither diffident nor ostentatious,
An easy commerce of the old and the new,
The common word exact without vulgarity,
The formal word precise but not pedantic,
The complete consort dancing together)
Every phrase and every sentence is an end and a beginning,
Every poem an epitaph. And any action
Is a step to the block, to the fire, down the sea's throat
Or to an illegible stone: and that is where we start.
We die with the dying:
See, they depart, and we go with them.
We are born with the dead:
See, they return, and bring us with them.
The moment of the rose and the moment of the yew-tree
Are of equal duration. A people without history
Is not redeemed from time, for history is a pattern
Of timeless moments. So, while the light fails
On a winter's afternoon, in a secluded chapel
History is now and England.

With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this
Calling

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

T.S. Eliot (1888–1965). The Waste Land. 1922.

I. THE BURIAL OF THE DEAD


APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.

...

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water.

Counting Beans

The Bean Counter


This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious. Once you find him - it's embarrassing and you think, "Why didn't I see him immediately? "

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, your right half of your brain is better developed than most people.

If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, your right half of the brain is developed normally.

If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.

If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!

And, yes, the man is really there!!!

Chris Daughtry - It's Not Over

I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything
And I can't deal with that.

I try to see the good in life.
But good things in life are hard to find.
I'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?

(well i'll try to do it right this time around)
let's start over,
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over.

I've taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We've wasted too much time
Being strong and holding on
Can't let it bring us down

My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
I'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?


Cause it's all misunderstood

(Well I'll try to do it right this time around)
Let's start over,
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over.

We can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out.

It's not over
We'll try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over.

Lets start over
Its not over

Yeah yeah
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over

I love my mom!

- this is a funny forward i got - definately heard most of these at one time or another :P

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

jobbed

so interviewed, got the job, turned down the job, now don't have a job. Silly?
I don't know. but i feel completely at peace about the whole thing, and i know that God's in control. So leaving it to him... easier said than done!
I am nanny-ing for the next couple months and then hopefully working for the city for the last couple... so that should be fun!

Now to get to some studying... eek!
C

So last weekend was the Junos, in humble little Saskatoon....
We went to check out the jazz (since Mark Zielke was playing) - WOW!! Man, that Mark Zielke sure knows how to rock the house! My favourite part was when he hurt his finger and started to bleed all over the piano. His solution: play a blues song whilst wiping the blood off the keys. And it sounded fantastic!!! GENIUS!!

AWW! Look how cute we are! all dressed up and ready to party :)


Kelly Lee Evans came after Mark - INCREDIBLE!! I don't know how she didn't win an award. She is seriously amazing. I think i need to buy her disk. She's also coming back for Jazzfest in June, so i'm definately going to that.


Here's Julia and I dancing up a storm... wooo! Kelly literally came down into the audience and pulled us to our feet! What fun :)

Shay

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

We all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

measure your life

Music Video:SEASONS OF LOVE (by Rent)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

hungry and naked!

"When i get a little money, i buy books. And if there is any left over, i buy food and clothes." - Desiderius Erasmus (1460 - 1536)
(Dutch Renaissance Scholar and Thologian)

some random questions

1.What would you do if a leprechaun jumped out of the bushes and stole your wallet?
take him down!

2. If you encountered a drunken bear what would you do?
steal his booze?

3. Lucky charms or fruit loops?
ummm. neither. I like plain ol' rice crispies

5. If you were going to a costume party tonight, what would you be?
princess

6. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
honesty

7. What would you rather have; a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?
UGG! Housekeeper for sure! I am not good at this whole housekeeping thing. And a housekeeper could cook right?

8. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may or may not contain $500.
Take the 50 - i'm not much of a gambler.

9. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?
caramel/ toffee. Mmmm - as much like rolo icecream as possible!

10. Rock, paper, or scissors?
rock. no reason.

11. What is your wallpaper on your cell phone?
snowboarder. He's there to remind me that someday i'll be a truly excellent boarder too.

12. If you could only use one form of transportation for the rest of your life what would it be?
fly

13. Last movie you watched?
"Stranger than fiction" - it was ok - not brilliant.

14. What is the first word that comes to mind right now?
sleep

15. What color are your sheets?
blue and yellow stars

16. What is your favourite flavor of Kool-Aid?
green apple

18. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
huh - i don't know. i'd have to plan it out... sounds fun!

19. What size ring do you wear?
8

20. What was your elementary school mascot?
a dragon.. can't remember its name. but i was responsible for it on hockey tours!

21. What is your favourite Starbucks drink?
mmm... chai tea latte. with lots of cinnamon!

22. Are you a health freak?
nope. prob should look into that tho'...

23. Have you ever been to college?
uggg.... have i ever left?

24. Are you a member of the mile high club?
um... no

25. Do you like your neighbours?
i think they might be drug dealers. Actually, they're probably not, but they seem so awfully nice that its hard not to suspect them!

26. Would you kill someone?
nope

27. Have you ever been arrested?
no

28. Have you ever slept with someone out of pity?
no

30. Have you ever been hit on by the same sex?
sadly yes (it was pretty odd actually.)

31. Do you wear perfume or cologne? If so what is your favourite?
yeah - an AVON (i know, i know - the evil empire!) perfume called "Starring"

32. Tan or Pale?
i'm aquiring prairie pale.

33. Planes or Buses?
Planes - i LOVE flying. Considered a career in flying, but its not much for having a life...

34. Diamonds or Gold?
amethests

35. Who let the dogs out?
not me. i wish nobody had.

36. Orange juice or Apple juice?
apple's my favourite, but i like orange to spice things up.

37. Do you shower daily?
yup. its a pretty good policy if you want to keep your friends!

38. Have you ever made out with just a friend?
no comment?

39. Would you date someone younger than you?
apparently!

40. Would you date someone older than you?
yup

41. Could you live without sex?
probably not - don't really know.

42. Snakes or Rabbits?
i like bunnies!

43. Have you ever Googled yourself?
frequently.

44. Ever starred in your own film?
well, i don't know about "Starred", but i played a major role in "Beq-watch"

45. Do you believe in aliens?
why not? If God made life on Earth, why would he stop there?

46. How do you vent anger?
silence, venting outloud and then usually writing. (its a process!)

47. What is your favourite word?
"ooo - kay!" (i don't know if its my favourite, but its definately an abused word in my vocab)

48. Good or Evil?
me? angelic! (tee hee!)

49. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yup

50. Logic or Art?
i'd say logic. some would disagree ;)

51. Do animals have souls?
i don't know.

52. Rough or Sensual?
sensual

53. Do you smoke?
nope.

54. Do you believe in Love?
of course!

55. Last time you saw your mom?
Monday. Its her birthday tomorrow! She's turning 21 apparently.

56. Have you ever met a celebrity?
nope. umm - does Riley Armstrong count?? Haha.

57. Mints or chewing gum?
Gum

58. Have you ever danced in public?
i try not to. but yes. way too many times!!

59. Would you consider it fun to have the cops chase you in a pursuit?
nope! I always want to cry when i get pulled over - and not for sympathy but because i HATE getting in trouble!

60. Do you have a big mouth?
medium. but a SUPER long tongue.

Wow - its the middle of a busy Tuesday. I have 3 papers to write and a presentation to prepare for tomorrow. But i thought i'd take a short break while walking over to pick up some books from the library. On route the thought of tea and donuts called to me - who doesn't need a donut and a cuppa tea when writing papers?

When i got to Timmy Ho's, i made my order, and discovered, true to university's mandate on inconvieniences, they do not have debit. Nor do i ever have cash. Nor am i willing to put in the effort to go find cash when i should be back writing my papers. So i appologize and prepare to walk away. As i do, another Timmy Ho's lady says - "here, let me fill it up..." and takes my travel mug. I say "no - i don't have any cash" and she says "what did you want?" I repeat - "uhh - i don't have any cash..." and she says "what did you want." Its funny - i have no problems giving people things - but accepting freebies is a humbling experience.

Naturally, since i'm supposed to be writing papers, i'm thinking about anything but papers, and i was preoccupied by the thought of grace. Her simple GRACIOUS act has changed my day - i couldn't find any words to thank her enough for a cup of steeped tea she was probably going to throw out soon anyway. But she made such a big impact on me. I know this is going to sound "floofy" but in all seriousness - what kind of impact do i make on other people on a daily basis by the things i do and say?

This is a quote i was struck by in one of my classes yesterday. Its directed at teachers, but i think it applies to "everyday" situations as well ...

I have come to a frightening conclusion. I am the decisive element in the classroom.It is my personal approach that creates the climate.It is my daily mood that makes the weather.As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisiswill be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized.
- Haim Ginot (Between Teacher and Child)

I think it might be one of those things i need to print out and stick on my desk - just to remind me.

I leave you with TS Elliot - one of my favourite - scratch that - my FAVOURITE poet.

This is his "Portrait of a lady"

AMONG the smoke and fog of a December afternoon

You have the scene arrange itself—as it will seem to do—

With “I have saved this afternoon for you”;

And four wax candles in the darkened room,

Four rings of light upon the ceiling overhead,
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An atmosphere of Juliet’s tomb

Prepared for all the things to be said, or left unsaid.

We have been, let us say, to hear the latest Pole

Transmit the Preludes, through his hair and fingertips.

“So intimate, this Chopin, that I think his soul
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Should be resurrected only among friends

Some two or three, who will not touch the bloom

That is rubbed and questioned in the concert room.”

—And so the conversation slips

Among velleities and carefully caught regrets
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Through attenuated tones of violins

Mingled with remote cornets

And begins.


“You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends,

And how, how rare and strange it is, to find
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In a life composed so much, so much of odds and ends,

[For indeed I do not love it … you knew? you are not blind!

How keen you are!]

To find a friend who has these qualities,

Who has, and gives
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Those qualities upon which friendship lives.

How much it means that I say this to you—

Without these friendships—life, what cauchemar!”


Among the windings of the violins

And the ariettes
30
Of cracked cornets

Inside my brain a dull tom-tom begins

Absurdly hammering a prelude of its own,

Capricious monotone

That is at least one definite “false note.”
35
—Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance,

Admire the monuments,

Discuss the late events,

Correct our watches by the public clocks.

Then sit for half an hour and drink our bocks.
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IINow that lilacs are in bloom

She has a bowl of lilacs in her room

And twists one in his fingers while she talks.

“Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know

What life is, you who hold it in your hands”;
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(Slowly twisting the lilac stalks)

“You let it flow from you, you let it flow,

And youth is cruel, and has no remorse

And smiles at situations which it cannot see.”

I smile, of course,
50
And go on drinking tea.

“Yet with these April sunsets, that somehow recall

My buried life, and Paris in the Spring,

I feel immeasurably at peace, and find the world

To be wonderful and youthful, after all.”
55

The voice returns like the insistent out-of-tune

Of a broken violin on an August afternoon:

“I am always sure that you understand

My feelings, always sure that you feel,

Sure that across the gulf you reach your hand.
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You are invulnerable, you have no Achilles’ heel.

You will go on, and when you have prevailed

You can say: at this point many a one has failed.


But what have I, but what have I, my friend,

To give you, what can you receive from me?
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Only the friendship and the sympathy

Of one about to reach her journey’s end.


I shall sit here, serving tea to friends….”


I take my hat: how can I make a cowardly amends

For what she has said to me?
70
You will see me any morning in the park

Reading the comics and the sporting page.

Particularly I remark

An English countess goes upon the stage.

A Greek was murdered at a Polish dance,
75
Another bank defaulter has confessed.

I keep my countenance,

I remain self-possessed

Except when a street piano, mechanical and tired

Reiterates some worn-out common song
80
With the smell of hyacinths across the garden

Recalling things that other people have desired.

Are these ideas right or wrong?


IIIThe October night comes down; returning as before

Except for a slight sensation of being ill at ease
85
I mount the stairs and turn the handle of the door

And feel as if I had mounted on my hands and knees.

“And so you are going abroad; and when do you return?

But that’s a useless question.

You hardly know when you are coming back,
90
You will find so much to learn.”

My smile falls heavily among the bric-à-brac.


“Perhaps you can write to me.”

My self-possession flares up for a second;

This is as I had reckoned.
95
“I have been wondering frequently of late

(But our beginnings never know our ends!)

Why we have not developed into friends.”

I feel like one who smiles, and turning shall remark

Suddenly, his expression in a glass.
100
My self-possession gutters; we are really in the dark.


“For everybody said so, all our friends,

They all were sure our feelings would relate

So closely! I myself can hardly understand.

We must leave it now to fate.
105
You will write, at any rate.

Perhaps it is not too late.

I shall sit here, serving tea to friends.”


And I must borrow every changing shape

To find expression … dance, dance
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Like a dancing bear,

Cry like a parrot, chatter like an ape.

Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance—


Well! and what if she should die some afternoon,

Afternoon grey and smoky, evening yellow and rose;
115
Should die and leave me sitting pen in hand

With the smoke coming down above the housetops;

Doubtful, for a while

Not knowing what to feel or if I understand

Or whether wise or foolish, tardy or too soon…
120
Would she not have the advantage, after all?

This music is successful with a “dying fall”

Now that we talk of dying—

And should I have the right to smile?